How to Break Free From An Abusive Relationship

No one deserves to:

1. Be pushed, shoved, pounded, slapped, bruised, kicked or strangled.
2. Be verbally attacked or accused.
3. Have possessions damaged.
4. Be interfered with in comings and goings.
5. Be ridiculed, put down, made fun of, or belittled (alone or in front of others).
6. Be followed, harassed or spied on.
7. Be emotionally starved.
8. Be isolated.

You have the right to:

1. Be treated with respect.
2. Be heard.
3. Say “NO”.
4. Come and go as you please.
5. Have a support system.
6. Have friends and be social.
7. Have privacy and space of your own.
8. Maintain a separate identity.

Reasons to leave:

1. Safely from bodily harm for yourself and your children.
2. Self-confidence, and a sense of identity.
3. Gaining control over your own life.
4. Increased peace and tranquility.
5. Sense of independence.

Reasons to stay:

1. “The unknown is worse than the known.”
2. “I can’t make it on my own financially.”
3. “I’m afraid of being lonely.”
4. “I’d have to go to work, and I might fail.”

You may be telling yourself things that make you stay:

1. “He can’t live without me.”
2. “The children need a father.”
3. “He’ll kill me if I go.”
4. “I can’t make it alone.”
5. “I have no education, no skills.”
6. “It’s going to get better.”
7. “No one believes me.”
8. “I’ll lose my kids.”
9. “I can’t give up my dream of a good marriage.”
10. “My mother says to stay.”

Things to remember:

1. You did not cause the attack.
2. You cannot keep it from happening again.
3. Your word/actions do not influence his.
4. Alcohol does not cause violence – it is an excuse to be violent.
5. Because he is sorry afterward doesn’t excuse what he did.
6. You are not one of his possessions to be used as he sees fit.
7. He is not “king of his castle”. If the king is abusive, he needs to be dethroned.
8. Whatever he does in the privacy of his home is not okay. What is done in the privacy of the home must be agreeable with both people.  Otherwise it’s time to “go public”.
9. You don’t deserve to be beaten.
10. You are not to blame for the violence.
11. You cannot control his violence.

Ways to take care of yourself:

1. Remove yourself from the cause of the harm.
2. Find a safe environment.
3. Develop a support system.
4. Stay healthy.
5. Regain your sense of humor.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. What do I gain by staying in a violent relationship?
2. What do my children gain by staying in a violent relationship?
3. What do I lose by leaving?
4. What do my children lose by leaving?
5. What do I have to gain by leaving?
6. What do my children have to gain by leaving?
7. Who can I talk to about my problem?
8. What are my bottom line expectations for the future?
9. What am I will to live without for the rest of my life?
10. What price am I paying for “peace”?
    1. Is it too high?
    2. How long have I been paying it?
    3. Are my children paying a price?
    4. Is it too high?
    5. How will it affect them five years from now?

11. Without change, what will I be like five years from now?
12. What do I want?
13. How can I get it?
14. What am I willing to do to get it?

Every woman has the right to be safe and free from violence. BWSS provides a secure environment in which women are free to express themselves without being judged or threatened. Call our Crisis and Intake Line at 604.687.1867 or Toll Free: 1.855.687.1868