At BWSS, we hear from women who access our programs wondering if they’re making the right decision about dating—whether it’s about a specific person or dating in general.

The truth is simple: only you can decide what’s best for you!

Healthy relationships—romantic or otherwise—are built on trust, open communication, respect, and equality. But it’s also perfectly okay to choose to stay single. Society may pressure people to be in relationships, but every individual is unique, with their own wants, needs, and goals. Trust your instincts and make choices that feel right for you.

We’ve already written about whether to work on a relationship or break up, but if you’re considering starting something new, remember: every relationship deserves a clean slate. If past issues linger, it might not be fair to either of you to move forward.

Be honest—with yourself and your potential partner. And remember, you can always reach out to us anytime. Meanwhile, here are some self-reflective questions to guide your decision.

Me, Me, Me! (Self-Reflection Questions)

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Am I happy with who I am, and do I understand my own value?

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What gender(s) am I attracted to? Do I feel romantic or sexual attraction, or am I asexual/aromantic?

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Do I know what I want from a relationship (casual, monogamy, open relationship, etc.)?

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Am I choosing someone specific, or just the idea of being in a relationship?

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Do I have the time to commit to a relationship alongside school, work, family, and hobbies?

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Am I comfortable with physical distance or long-distance relationships?

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Am I emotionally prepared to handle rejection?

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Have I healed from past traumas enough to fully commit to someone new?

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Can I trust myself to respect and maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship?

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Do I have clear emotional and physical boundaries, and can I communicate them?

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Are my expectations of a relationship realistic?

The Potential Partner

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How would my support system (family, friends, counsellor) feel about this relationship?

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Could I be friends with this person if the romantic aspect didn’t work out?

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Are my instincts sending me any red flags?

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Can I trust this person? Do they respect me, my boundaries, and my autonomy?

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What kind of labels would I be comfortable using for this relationship?

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What time and effort am I willing to put into this relationship?

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If someone I love wanted to date someone exactly like this person, would I feel confident in their safety and happiness?

Big Picture Questions

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What does security in a relationship mean to me?

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Are there health or personal responsibilities I need to disclose?

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What are my goals for this relationship (casual, long-term, co-parenting, etc.)?

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Can I realistically see a future with this person?

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How will responsibilities (financial, household, emotional) be shared?

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If I have children, would I trust this person to care for them and set a good example?

Red Flags and Deal Breakers

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Would I feel safe ending this relationship if I needed to?

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What sacrifices am I willing to make for this relationship?

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Do I know what red flags to look for in controlling or abusive behaviours?

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What are my deal breakers (e.g., dishonesty, disrespect, irresponsibility, substance abuse)?

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Who do I trust to provide advice and support if I have concerns about my relationship?

Final Thoughts

Take your time with these questions. Reflect honestly, trust your instincts, and remember: you deserve a relationship (or a single life!) that makes you feel valued, respected, and safe.

And if you ever need to talk things through, we’re here.

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867 Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org