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Evaluation: Criminalizing Coercive Control Webinar

Jul 22, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services

Criminalizing Coercive Control: Analysis, Updates and Reflections on Legislating Coercive Control in Canada.

Thank You for Attending the Criminalizing Coercive Control Webinar!

Thank you for registering and joining us for the recent webinar on Criminalizing Coercive Control. We appreciate your participation and hope you found the session informative and engaging.

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Criminalizing Coercive Control Webinar Evaluation

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We would also like to extend our heartfelt thanks to the panelists & moderator for their valuable contributions:

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Pamela Cross

Pamela Cross

Canadian feminist lawyer and women’s advocate

Emilie Coyle Executive Director Canadian Association of Elizabeth Societies

Emilie Coyle

Executive Director
Canadian Association of Elizabeth Societies

Agnes Huang

Agnes Huang

Family Lawyer

Deepa Mattoo

Deepa Mattoo

Barrister and Solicitor
Executive Director, Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic

Summer-Rain

Summer Rain

Manager, Justice Centre at BWSS

Moderator

Angela Marie MacDougall

Angela Marie MacDougall

Executive Director
Battered Women’s Support Services

10 Important Takeaways from ‘Children of Coercive Control’

Jul 22, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services

Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships

An often overlooked aspect of intimate partner abuse is its impact on children. Sociologist Evan Stark’s latest book, Children of Coercive Control, sheds light on how coercive control not only affects women but also deeply harms children. Stark’s work redefines domestic abuse, emphasizing that it goes beyond physical violence to include tactics like isolation, intimidation, and financial abuse.

Stark’s previous book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life, was pivotal in changing perspectives and laws globally. His new book continues this critical discourse by detailing how abusers use their control over women to also harm their children.

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1. Abusive partners isolate and control children as a way to control their adult partners

Abusive partners isolate and control children as a way to control their adult partners. Sometimes it is the primary way. abusive partners intentionally “destroy” children to dominate their mothers. Stark describes this mistreatment of children as a “staged performance” directed toward the primary victim, his partner.

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2. Intimidation and fear-based discipline

Form part of a campaign to induce terror and reduce a child’s courage and confidence. The ultimate goal is to control the mother. Stark writes, “Intimidation runs throughout coercive control. Only fear makes it seem rational for children to say “yes” when they mean “no,” to remain silent when it is time to speak and to give up what is rightfully theirs.”

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3. Abusive partners intentionally terrorize their partners in front of the children

To make children see their mothers as weak. This is a deliberate attempt to fracture the mother-child relationship.

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4. In a family with coercive control, authorities should consider the abuse victim and children’s interests together

They are inextricably linked.

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5. Infants and preschoolers are a “special case.”

Domestic abuse of a mother produces stress-induced fear in young children. Coercive control threatens young children’s emotional security. Their distress will often show up as disturbed moods, sleep and eating problems, and difficulties interacting with peers and adults. These disturbances are how young children reveal that something is very wrong in their world. Sometimes symptoms do not appear right away; Stark refers to this as the “sleeper effect.”

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6. Children are actively engaged in coping with the coercive control of their moms

Even when they appear to be “doing fine.” Stark writes that children interpret, predict and assess “episodes” at home. They wonder if they have caused the problems. Children worry. Even young children take steps to protect themselves, their siblings and their mothers. This is exhausting work for a child or teen. The weight of coping with coercive control interferes with children’s learning and play.

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7. Children are at high risk when the abusive partner coercively controls and threatens his partner (or ex-partner)

This is true even when the abusive partner has never before targeted the children directly. The abusive partner may have no negative feelings toward the children. He may harm or even kill them to show his (ex)partner what he is capable of doing.

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8. Post-separation, abusive partners harass and stalk their children to demonstrate their total power

They violate boundaries—whether boundaries have been imposed by their exes, their children or even the courts. This terrorizes children. Stark provides the example of an abusive father with a protective order against him suddenly appearing at his child’s school performance, knowing full well that this violates a court order and is against his child’s wishes. The abusive partner is essentially daring his victims to call the police and “create a scene.”

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9. Chaotic abusive partner behavior terrorizes children

Some abusive partners create continuous turmoil. Substance abuse or mental illness may make the chaos worse but are not the cause. On any given day, the children do not know what mood the abusive partner will be in, what will set him off, if it is safe to go home, to laugh, to eat, etc. To outsiders, this way of living can seem messy. But to children, it is terrorizing. Stark writes that abusive partners create havoc according to a “criminal logic” that benefits them personally.

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10. “Children can thrive only when women are safe, equal, and free.”

Stark emphasizes that coercive control domestic abuse is a crime against a person’s liberty. And most primary victims are women. Involved children always suffer as well. His book emphasizes that societies can only protect children by supporting and protecting women’s rights.

Children of Coercive Control by Professor Emeritus Evan Stark

Children of Coercive Control extends Evan Stark’s path-breaking analysis of interpersonal violence to children, showing that coercive control is the most important cause and context of child abuse and child homicide outside a war zone, as well as of the sexual abuse, denigration, exploitation, isolation and subordination of children.

Content by Evan Stark and Lisa Aronson Fontes

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868
Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867
Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

 

Criminalizing Coercive Control webinar

Jul 2, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services

Criminalizing Coercive Control: Analysis, Updates and Reflections on Legislating Coercive Control in Canada.

Criminalizing Coercive Control webinar

Analysis, Updates and Reflections on Legislating Coercive Control in Canada.

This webinar invites discussion and input on potential impacts of the pending legislative changes and options for post-legislative policies and practices.

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Criminalization of victim-survivors and the ongoing misidentification of women as perpetrators

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Gender-based violence is endemic – systemic responses versus incident-centred responses

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Reflecting on victim-survivor, anti-violence, gender justice and other community-based interventions and insights

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The trouble with evidencing coercive control and proving intent

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Coercive control in the context of other areas of the legal system (family, child protection, immigration)

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Options to invest in systemic responses outside of the criminal legal system

Date: July 17, 2024
Time: 9am – 11am PST | 12pm–2pm EST
Location: online via Zoom, details will be sent via email after registration.

Register for the webinar here

Invited Panelists

Pamela Cross

Pamela Cross

Canadian feminist lawyer and women’s advocate

Emilie Coyle Executive Director Canadian Association of Elizabeth Societies

Emilie Coyle

Executive Director
Canadian Association of Elizabeth Societies

Agnes Huang

Agnes Huang

Family Lawyer

Deepa Mattoo

Deepa Mattoo

Barrister and Solicitor
Executive Director, Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic

Summer-Rain

Summer Rain

Manager, Justice Centre at BWSS

Moderator

Angela Marie MacDougall

Angela Marie MacDougall

Executive Director
Battered Women’s Support Services

Criminalizing Coercive Control

Analysis, Updates and Reflections on Legislating Coercive Control in Canada.

This webinar invites discussion and input on potential impacts of the pending legislative changes and options for post-legislative policies and practices.

Register for the webinar here

The Justice Centre Impact Report 2023-2024

Jun 26, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services, Reports

In April 2023, we proudly opened the Justice Centre at BWSS, an expansion of our former Legal Services and Advocacy Program. This community-based legal advocacy clinic is dedicated to providing trauma-informed, multilingual, and culturally responsive legal services to diverse women who have experienced gender-based violence in BC.

The Justice Centre represents a significant evolution in our efforts, and the support of the community has been instrumental in its development. Our funding model is diverse, incorporating contributions from The Law Foundation of BC, the Federal Ministry of Justice, the social enterprise operated by BWSS – My Sister’s Closet, Strategic Interventions, and the generosity of individual donors.

From 2023 to 2024, BWSS has supported 2,159 victims and survivors. As we release our 2023-2024 Justice Centre Impact Report, we are excited to highlight the new services introduced and the profound impact our supportive community had in the work. The donations of our supporters have enabled us to support survivors, foster a safer and more just community, and provide critical legal support and education. This report underscores the enhanced services, training programs, and our focus on racial justice and current issues that the Justice Centre has championed.

Together, we are striving for justice, support, and empowerment for all women affected by gender-based violence. We invite you to learn more about your impact through the Justice Centre and continue this journey with us.

Read the Impact Report

The Aspirations of Fathers: A Call to End Domestic Violence This Father’s Day

Jun 14, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services

The Aspirations of Fathers: A Call to End Domestic Violence This Father’s Day

 

What is a Father?

Father – fa·ther /ˈfäTHər/ (noun) – a male parent, a man in relation to his child or children.

A father is often seen as a pillar of strength, a beacon of wisdom, and a source of unconditional love. But beyond these traditional roles, what does it truly mean to be a father? This Father’s Day, we reflect on the profound responsibilities fathers hold in breaking the cycle of abuse and fostering a safe, loving environment for today and the future generations.

 

The Role of a Father in Ending Domestic Violence

A father is more than just a biological connection. He is a mentor, a guide, and a protector. He shapes the lives of his children not just by providing for their physical needs, but by nurturing their hearts and minds. However, it is crucial to recognize that for fathers or father figures who use violence against mothers, they create a legacy of harm for children that can continue for generations.  The association between witnessing intimate partner violence and later perpetration has been found in 39 studies including: 

(Roberts AL et al. Intimate partner violence: Childhood witness to adult perpetrator. Epidemiology, 2010.):

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63% of boys who witness their mothers being abused by their fathers grow up to be abusive. 

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70% of spousal violence cases with child witnesses, the violence was directed at their mothers. 

 Men who witness intimate partner violence in childhood are more likely to commit such acts in adulthood.

 These figures highlight the critical role fathers play in either perpetuating or ending the cycle of violence. This Father’s Day, we call on all fathers to reflect on their roles and take concrete steps to foster non-violence.

Reflecting on the Fullest Aspiration of Fathers

Today, on Father’s Day, let’s reflect on the highest aspirations of fatherhood. What do we aspire to be as fathers committed to ending domestic violence? Here are some vital roles that fathers must embrace:

Fathers as Safety. A father should be a sanctuary for his children, a place where they feel safe and protected. This means creating an environment free from fear and violence, where love and respect are the foundation of every interaction.

Fathers as Trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. As fathers, it’s imperative to build and maintain trust with our children. This involves being honest, reliable, and consistent in our words and actions.

Fathers as Accountability. Accountability means taking responsibility for one’s actions and their impact on others. Fathers must hold themselves accountable for their behavior, setting an example for their children to follow. This includes recognizing and addressing any abusive tendencies and seeking help when necessary. 

Fathers as Commitment. Being a father is a lifelong commitment. It means being present, engaged, and dedicated to the well-being and development of one’s children, no matter the circumstances. It also means committing to a personal journey of growth and change to prevent and stop violence. 

Father Is More Than Just a Noun

Father – fa·ther /ˈfäTHər/ (verb) – Men in action to stop violence against women and children.

Fatherhood is not just a noun; it’s a verb. It requires action, especially in the fight against violence. This Father’s Day, we urge all fathers to take a stand against domestic violence. By committing to this cause, we can break the cycle of abuse and build a better, safer world for our children.

I’ve witnessed in my life and through my work, the immediate and long-term impact violence has on people’s lives. I pledge because the Father’s Day pledge is about knowing that men are indeed messengers and change agents needed to transform the culture of violence that exists in our communities.”

Quentin Walcott, CONNECT NYC

Take the Pledge to End Violence

This Father’s Day, take the pledge to end violence. Pledge to be a father and raise future fathers who embodies safety, trust, accountability, and commitment. Pledge to be a person who stands against violence in all its forms.

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Join Ending Violence

Join our mailing list to stay updated on the effort  to end violence and learn more about how to take action.

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Donate to End Violence

Your support is crucial. Donate today to help us continue our work in ending domestic, intimate partner and sexualized violence.

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Learn More

Learn more about gender-based violence. Explore resources on how men can take action to end violence for Father’s Day and everyday (see resources below).

Let’s commemorate Father’s Day by recognizing the role fathers have in ending domestic violence in our communities to help ensure a future where mothers are safe and all children can grow up in a world free from violence and witnessing love and respect.

Resources for Fathers & Father Figures

Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships

Breaking Free From Partner Abuse

Jun 11, 2024 | Battered Women's Support Services

Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships

You Have Rights

Breaking free from an abusive partner starts with knowing that you don’t deserve abuse and that you have rights. Abuse in any form is unacceptable, and it’s crucial to recognize that everyone has fundamental rights that should never be compromised.

You have the right to safety, respect, and dignity. You have the right to make your own choices and to be treated as an equal. Today, we share a comprehensive list of these essential rights to remind you that you are entitled to live without fear and oppression. Understanding and asserting these rights is the first step toward breaking free from an abusive situation.

All victims/survivors have the right to safety, respect, and dignity.

 

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No one deserves to:

  1. Be pushed, shoved, pounded, slapped, bruised, kicked or strangled.
  2. Be verbally attacked or accused.
  3. Have possessions damaged.
  4. Be interfered with in comings and goings.
  5. Be ridiculed, put down, made fun of, or belittled – alone or in front of others.
  6. Be followed, harassed or spied on.
  7. Be emotionally starved.
  8. Be isolated.
  9. Be threatened with death if you leave
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You have the right to:

  1. Be treated with respect.
  2. Be heard.
  3. Say “NO”.
  4. Come and go as you please.
  5. Have a support system.
  6. Have friends and be social.
  7. Have privacy and space of your own.
  8. Maintain a separate identity.

All The Reasons

Breaking free from an abusive partner is a complex and deeply personal journey. Many survivors are held back by the powerful internal and external oppressive narratives that provide reasons to stay with an abusive partner.

It may feel like there are reasons to stay, but there are stronger reasons to leave. Only a survivor knows when it is safe to leave. Even then, it is still a risk; survivors know better than anyone how to calculate their risk, and support is essential.

These oppressive narratives can be overwhelming and perpetuate a cycle of entrapment. Acknowledging that these narratives are not truths but distortions imposed by society, family, and the abusive partner is a way to take back the power that’s been stolen.

All victims/survivors have the right to safety, respect, and dignity.

 

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Reasons to stay:

  1. “The unknown is worse than the known.”
  2. “I can’t make it on my own financially.”
  3. “I’m afraid of being lonely.”
  4. “I’d have to go to work, and I might fail.”
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You may be telling yourself things that make you stay:

  1. “He can’t live without me.”
  2. “The children need a father.”
  3. “He’ll kill me if I go.”
  4. “I can’t make it alone.”
  5. “I have no education, no skills.”
  6. “It’s going to get better.”
  7. “No one believes me.”
  8. “I’ll lose my kids.”
  9. “I can’t give up my dream of a good marriage.”
  10. “My mother says to stay.”
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Reasons to leave:

  1. Safely from bodily harm for yourself and your children.
  2. More self-respect, self-confidence, and a sense of identity.
  3. Gaining control over your own life.
  4. Increased peace and tranquility.
  5. Sense of independence.

Care For Yourself

Breaking free from an abusive relationship can be one of the hardest things a person does. But even after your ex is out of your life, sometimes the emotional and mental effects from experiencing abuse can linger on.

Leaving can be dangerous: Many people experiencing intimate partner violence realistically fear that their abusive partners’ actions will become more violent and even lethal if they attempt to leave. The abusive partner may have threatened to kill them or hurt their child, family member or pet if they leave.

What about the kids? Many survivors are not sure that leaving would be the best for their children (especially if the children are not being abused directly.) Concerns may include: Will my partner win custody of the children? How will I support my kids without my partner’s income? I want my children to have two parents.

You may experience feelings of depression, guilt, anger, loss and even the effects of trauma.

Being in an abusive relationship, or leaving and getting back together more than once – which is very common – can hurt your self-esteem, make you doubt yourself and derail your progress. If you’re feeling bad, you may even question your decision to leave in the first place. The important thing to remember is that you did leave and that took a lot of strength. Now it is time to channel your courage into healing and establishing a confident and healthy you.

All victims/survivors have the right to safety, respect, and dignity.

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Things to remember:

  1. You did not cause the violence.
  2. You cannot keep it from happening again.
  3. Your word/actions do not influence his.
  4. Alcohol does not cause violence – it is the excuse he uses to be violent.
  5. Because he is sorry afterward doesn’t excuse what he did.
  6. You are not one of his possessions to be used as he sees fit.
  7. He is not “king of his castle”. If the king is abusive, he needs to be dethroned.
  8. Whatever he does in the privacy of his home is not okay. What is done in the privacy of the home must be agreeable with both people. Otherwise it’s time to “go public”.
  9. You don’t deserve to be beaten.
  10. You are not to blame for the violence. Look else where for a place to blame.
  11. You cannot control his violence. You are powerless to control it. You are free to manage your own life.
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Ways to take care of yourself:

  1. Remove yourself from the cause of the harm.
  2. Find a safe environment.
  3. Develop a support system.
  4. Stay healthy.
  5. Practice self-care.
  6. Regain your sense of humor.
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Questions to ask yourself:

  1. What do I gain by staying in a violent home?
  2. What do my children gain by staying in a violent home?
  3. What do I lose by leaving?
  4. What do my children lose by leaving?
  5. What do I have to gain by leaving?
  6. What do my children have to gain by leaving?
  7. Who can I talk to about my problem?
  8. What are my bottom line expectations for the future?
  9. What am I will to live without for the rest of my life?
  10. What price am I paying for “peace”?
    • Is it too high?
    • How long have I been paying it?
    • Are my children paying a price?
    • Is it too high?
    • How will it affect them five years from now?
  11. Without change, what will I be like five years from now?
  12. What do I want?
  13. How can I get it?
  14. What am I willing to do to get it?

Conclusion & Safety Planning

Remember, you are not alone. Support is available, and there are people and resources ready to help you reclaim your life and your rights.  

Through this process safety, remembrance and mourning and reconnection, Support groups and organizations can be very helpful.  

Getting involved in support groups, joining organizations, and connecting with other survivors can offer you comfort and support during this time. 

Planning for safety is one way you can take back your power in abusive relationships. Although you can’t control an intimate partner’s use of violence, you can evaluate and define options and opportunities for your liberation and safety. Learn more about Personalized Safety Plan tools: https://www.bwss.org/why-safety/planning/.

Together, we can work towards a world where everyone lives free from violence. 

 

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868
Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867