Crisis & Intake:
1-855-687-1868

Understanding Post-Separation Abuse

Apr 23, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

Post-separation abuse is the continuation of power and control tactics by an abusive partner after the relationship has ended. It’s a dangerous and often misunderstood phase in the cycle of abuse. While many believe that leaving ends the violence, the reality for countless survivors is that separation can trigger an escalation. Abusive partners may weaponize systems, children, finances, or threats in a relentless effort to maintain control. Post-separation abuse is not about love or reconciliation — it’s about dominance and retaliation.  The road to safety can look differently and for many survivors of domestic, intimate partner and/or sexualized violence, escaping by leaving the relationship unfortunately doesn’t necessarily mean they are automatically safe from future violence an ex-partner who has been abusive. 
Read Jade’s Story, a true story of a survivor and her two sons’ journey through post-separation abuse.  
When abusive partners lose power in their relationship due to separation, they may escalate their abusive tactics to regain control. Post-separation abuse can manifest in various forms of coercive control, including harassment, physical abuse, financial abuse, intimidation, and lethal violence. 

Abusive partners may also use different behaviours such as persuading to come back, threatening the access to your children, restricting your access to funds or threatening physical harm on themselves or your loved ones. 

The abusive partner is threatened by the separation and may experience it as a declaration by his partner that she is capable of surviving without him. Not only that but that she is the best judge of what is good for her, and especially that her needs shouldn’t always take the back seat to his. 

The abusive partner is likely very afraid that his partner may discover how good it feels to live without put downs and other abuse. She may start to think of her own thoughts without him and start believing in herself as an independent and strong. Importantly, she might discover how much better she is without him. 

Any survivor who’s made a step towards safety may feel guilty enough return to their abusive partner to avoid the possible negative outcomes.

If you or someone you know needs support, BWSS is here. You can create a safety plan or speak with an advocate confidentially by calling our crisis line at 1-855-687-1868. Together, we can explore your options and help you reclaim safety.

Violence Against Women Prevention Week (April 20–April 26) and Fashion Revolution Week (April 22–April 27)

During this Violence Against Women Prevention Week, as we #WearJustice #BuildSafety, we will share more resources on post-separation abuse – why a survivor might return, common tactics of post-separation abuse and provide strategies for overcoming them. Stay tuned. 
Learn More About #WearJustice #BuildSafety

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *