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Understanding Sexual Coercion

Feb 26, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

Sexual Coercion – The art of using pressure, guilt, manipulation, alcohol, drugs, or force to obtain sexual contact against someone’s will.

In a healthy relationship, both people should feel completely at ease with the level of physical intimacy—whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, or having sex.

One thing you should always have control over is how far you’re comfortable going with your romantic partner, crush, or even someone you’re casually seeing. Your voice matters, and you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do.

If someone makes you feel obligated, pressured, or forced into physical activity, you may be experiencing sexual coercion. By definition, sexual coercion involves using pressure, guilt, manipulation, alcohol, drugs, or force to obtain sexual contact against someone’s will. It also includes repeatedly pushing boundaries after consent has been denied.

A Spectrum of Behaviours

Sexual coercion can take many forms—ranging from subtle emotional pressure to overt physical force. It’s not always obvious, but it often includes verbal, emotional, or manipulative tactics.

Examples of Sexual Coercion:

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Making you feel like you owe them: Because you’re in a relationship, you’ve been intimate before, they bought you gifts, or they paid for something.

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Using flattery as manipulation: Giving exaggerated or insincere compliments to push you into saying yes.
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Repeated pressure or intimidation: Badgering, yelling, or physically restraining you.
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Using alcohol or drugs: Trying to lower your inhibitions to gain consent.
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Guilt-tripping: Saying things like, “If you loved me, you’d do this” or “If you don’t, I’ll find someone else who will.”
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Reacting negatively when told no: Responding with anger, sadness, or emotional withdrawal.
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Normalizing harmful expectations: Saying things like, “I need it; it’s just what guys do.”
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Disregarding boundaries: Continuing to push even after you’ve said no.
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Making threats or creating fear: Making you afraid of the consequences of saying no.

Consent is Ongoing and Essential

At the heart of any healthy relationship is clear, enthusiastic consent.

Here’s what consent looks like:

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Consent is not permanent: Agreeing to something once doesn’t mean you’ve agreed forever. Consent must be renewed every time.
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Consent is specific: Saying yes to one act doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. For example, agreeing to kiss doesn’t mean agreeing to have sex.
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Consent can be withdrawn: At any point, you have the right to stop—even if you’ve already started.
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Consent must be freely given: It’s not consent if it’s obtained through manipulation, pressure, or threats.
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Consent requires capacity: Someone cannot consent if they are asleep, unconscious, intoxicated, or unable to fully understand the situation.

Healthy Communication and Boundaries

In a respectful relationship:

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Both partners communicate openly and honestly about their boundaries.
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Each person feels heard and respected when they express discomfort.
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Consent is an ongoing conversation, not a one-time checkbox.

If you’re ever uncomfortable or feel unsafe:

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Speak up clearly and directly: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries.
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Don’t be embarrassed to say no: Your feelings are valid, and your boundaries deserve respect.
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Leave the situation if necessary: If someone isn’t listening to you, it’s okay to remove yourself.

You Deserve Respect and Safety

No one should ever feel pressured, guilted, or manipulated into physical intimacy. Your comfort and consent are essential, every step of the way.

If you have questions about consent, sexual boundaries, or what’s healthy in a relationship, our team are here to help.

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867 Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

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