No relationship is perfect, but healthy intimate partner relationships make both people feel respected, supported, and safe. Healthy relationships are characterized by mutual respect, trust, equality and honesty.
Here are some of the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Respect
Each person values who the other person is, understands the other person’s boundaries, and values their beliefs and opinions.
Disrespect
Your partner makes fun of your opinions and interests, or purposely destroys something that is important to you.
Trust
Partners trust in each other and are comfortable doing things separately and respecting each other’s privacy online.
Jealousy
Everyone can experience jealousy, though it becomes unhealthy when someone tries to control you because of it.
Honesty
Being truthful and open with your partner and being able to talk together about what you both want without fearing the response or if you’ll be judged.
Betrayal
When your partner is deceitful, hides important things from you or threatens to make your private matters public to control you.
Individuality
Neither partner compromises who they are, and each has their own identity, with space and freedom in the relationship.
Control
When your partner makes all the decisions and tells you what to do, what to wear, and who to spend time with. They may also be ‘in charge’ of all the finances and insist that you account for all the money you have spent, or force you to hand over any money you have to them. He or she may also try to isolate you from your friends and family.
Equality
You and your partner put equal effort into the relationship and make decisions together as opposed to one person calling all the shots.
Manipulation
One partner influences the other without them realizing it. This can include ignoring you until they get their own way, making you feel guilty or responsible for their actions, making you feel like everything is your fault and threatening to hurt themselves or others if you don’t do as they say or stay with them. They may also use gifts and apologies to influence your decisions or to ‘apologize’ for their behaviour.
Responsibility
You and your partner are both responsible for your own actions and words. You both avoid putting blame on each other and own up when you do something wrong. You both avoid taking things out on each other when you’re upset and both try to make positive changes to better your relationship.
Deflecting Responsibility
Your partner makes excuses for their behavior, blaming you, other people or past experiences for their actions. They may use alcohol or drugs as an excuse, or use any mental health issues or past experiences (like a cheating ex or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior.
Inclusion
Both partners encourage each other to socialize and keep in touch with friends and family.
Isolation
Keeping you away from friends, family, or other people by insisting you choose your partner over them. Spending all your time with your partner and making you feel dependent on them for money, love or acceptance.
Healthy Sexual Relationship
A sexual relationship that both are comfortable with, and neither partner feels pressured or forced to engage in sexual activity that is outside his or her comfort zone or without consent.
Sexual Violence
One partner pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against his or her will or without consent.
Non-Violent Relationship
No physical violence used by either partner and feeling a sense of care and concern from your partner, knowing that they will be there to support you.
Physical Violence
When one partner intentionally uses physical force against the other, as a means of controlling the other partner. This includes shaking, slapping, pushing, biting, punching. scratching, trying to choke or strangle, hitting with household objects, using weapons and physical restraint (e.g. pinning you against a wall).
As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.
You are not alone.
If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:
Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868
Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867
Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org
