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8 Strategies to Protect Yourself from Post-Separation Abuse

Apr 25, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

The end of a relationship doesn’t always mean the end of an ex-partner’s abuse. In fact, post-separation can often be an especially difficult and dangerous time, as abusive partners may continue and even escalate their efforts to exert power through manipulation, intimidation, or harassment. If you are facing this situation, we have prepared a few strategies to support the safety and well-being of you and your children. 

Learn more about post-separation abuse. Please visit our other resources.
Here are some important strategies to consider when dealing with post-separation abuse: 
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1. Create a Comprehensive Safety Plan

Design a thorough safety plan to help protect yourself in various scenarios. This plan should address potential threats and outline steps to take if the abusive partner shows up unexpectedly. Think about where you could go for immediate safety, who to contact, and what actions to take. Always be prepared, even if the situation has never escalated to physical violence. It’s crucial to avoid being alone with your ex, regardless of the nature of past interactions.   

BWSS Safety Planning Tool 
BWSS offers an interactive online safety planning tool, which includes tailored advice for different situations, including safety planning with children, pets, while pregnant, with technology, in the workplace, with a protective order, with drug and alcohol use, and with emotional health. 

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2. Establish Firm Boundaries

Set clear and non-negotiable boundaries with your abusive partner. Limit communication to what is absolutely necessary—such as co-parenting arrangements—and avoid interactions outside of this. Keeping exchanges brief and focused on logistical matters will help minimize opportunities for manipulation and control. Stick to your boundaries even when they are challenged. 
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3. Seek Support from Your Community and Professionals

Having a strong support network is essential during this time. Reach out to your friends, family, or professional services for guidance and assistance. This support can come in many forms, such as therapy, support groups, or legal advice. These resources can help you stay strong and empowered while navigating the emotional and legal complexities of post-separation abuse. 
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4. Document Every Incident

Keep an accurate, detailed record of any incidents of abuse, including dates, times, and specific descriptions of events. This documentation can be essential for legal proceedings, securing protective orders, or establishing a pattern of abuse. It’s important to note that even if incidents may seem minor, documenting everything builds a comprehensive account. 
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5. Protect Your Financial Independence

Financial control can be a powerful tool for abusive partners, so it’s critical to establish financial independence as soon as possible. Set up separate bank accounts and take steps to secure child support payments. Additionally, review your credit report to check for any unauthorized accounts or financial obligations created by your abusive partner. Legal support can help ensure an equitable division of assets and protect your financial security during this transition. 

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6. Ensure Your Children’s Safety

If you have children, their safety is paramount. Take immediate steps to secure their well-being, which may include contacting social services or seeking a court-ordered welfare assessment. Keep detailed records of abusive incidents, as well as any signs that may affect your children. Consider seeking mental health support for your children, such as play therapy, and work closely with schools and child services to protect their safety. 
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7. Consult a Legal Professional

Speak with a lawyer to understand your legal options, such as seeking restraining orders or determining custody arrangements. Legal counsel can help you navigate the complex issues of post-separation abuse and protect your rights. In some cases, it might be possible to pursue criminal charges depending on local laws, and a lawyer can assist with these decisions. If needed, inquire about advocacy services that can support you in court. 

BWSS Justice Centre 
The Justice Centre at BWSS provides free, trauma- and violence-informed legal advocacy for women experiencing intimate partner and domestic violence. We support survivors in the areas of family law, immigration law, child protection, and criminal law. Please note that the Justice Centre does not provide legal advice but offers legal information, advocacy, and support to help survivors navigate the legal system. 

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8. Prioritize Your Well-Being

Amidst the stress of navigating post-separation abuse, don’t forget to care for yourself. Take time for self-care and engage in activities that nurture your strength and build your confidence. Your mental and physical well-being are vital to your recovery. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, seeking therapy, or simply taking time to rest, focus on recharging your energy and rebuilding your sense of self. 

Post-separation abuse presents unique and complex challenges, but by understanding the tactics used by abusive partners and taking decisive actions, you can regain control of your life. This journey requires strength, resilience, and a clear plan. By taking steps to protect your safety, your children’s safety, and your emotional well-being, you can create a path toward healing and reclaim the peace you deserve. Always remember, you are not alone—support is available, and you have the power to protect yourself and your loved ones. 

If you or someone you know needs support, BWSS is here. You can create a safety plan or speak with an advocate confidentially by calling our crisis line at 1-855-687-1868. Together, we can explore your options and help you reclaim safety.

Violence Against Women Prevention Week (April 20–April 26) and Fashion Revolution Week (April 22–April 27)

During this Violence Against Women Prevention Week, as we #WearJustice #BuildSafety, we will share more resources on post-separation abuse – why a survivor might return, common tactics of post-separation abuse and provide strategies for overcoming them. Stay tuned. 
Learn More About #WearJustice #BuildSafety

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