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Post-Separation Abuse Tactics and What to Do

Apr 25, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

Post-separation abuse is when an abusive partner continues to exert power and control even after the relationship has ended. This phase is often the most dangerous—yet it’s one of the most misunderstood. Many people assume that leaving marks the end of the violence, but for many survivors, it’s just the beginning of a new chapter of harm.

Recognizing these tactics is crucial for safety, healing, and seeking support. Below are some of the most common forms of post-separation abuse—and what you can do about them. 

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Threats

After leaving an abusive partner, threats often become a central tactic used to maintain fear and control. These threats may target your safety, your children, your pets, your reputation, or your financial wellbeing. An abusive partner might say they’ll ruin your career, leak private photos or information, or leave you destitute. In some cases, they may manipulate you by threatening to harm themselves or end their life—weaponizing guilt to keep you entangled. While some threats are used purely for psychological control, many survivors have experienced those threats becoming reality. That’s why every threat should be taken seriously. 

What You Can Do: 

  • Document all threats and keep records in a safe place. 
  • Reach out for legal advice—protective orders may be an option.  
  • Talk to someone you trust or connect with a support service like BWSS. 
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Emotional Abuse & Manipulative Behaviour

Even after separation, an abusive partner may use emotional tactics to regain control. This can include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail. He may break down your boundaries over time—just enough to get face-to-face—then turn on the charm, mimicking the early days of the relationship to draw you back in. This emotional tug-of-war is a powerful tactic used to confuse and destabilize. 

If you still share children, property, or pets, communication may feel unavoidable. But when that communication turns manipulative or emotionally abusive, it’s crucial to protect your mental and emotional safety. 

What You Can Do: 

  • Set firm boundaries and limit contact as much as possible. 
  • Use written or third-party communication tools if contact is necessary.
  • Seek support from mental health professionals to help you navigate your emotions during this challenging time.
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Financial Abuse

Financial abuse doesn’t always end with separation. In many cases, it intensifies. Abusive partners may withhold money, sabotage employment, or create financial barriers to force survivors into dependence or pressure them to return. For many survivors, finances are not just about survival—they become another battlefield where power and control play out long after leaving. 

What You Can Do: 

  • Move your income into a personal account only you can access. 
  • Cancel joint credit cards and monitor your credit report regularly. 
  • Keep records of any shared debts or loans in your name. 
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Co-parenting Sabotage

For many survivors, separation doesn’t bring peace—it simply shifts the form of abuse. Abusive partners often weaponize custody and parenting arrangements to maintain control. This can look like violating visitation schedules, refusing to return the children on time, or using communication about the kids as an excuse to harass or manipulate. Another painful tactic is parental alienation—when the abusive partner tries to turn your children against you, distorting their perception and undermining your role as a parent. 

This form of post-separation abuse can leave both survivors and children emotionally exhausted, caught in a cycle of confusion, loyalty conflicts, and fear.  

What You Can Do:   

  • Document all custody violations and harmful behaviours. 
  • Avoid speaking negatively about your ex to your children. 
  • Seek professional support for your children help to address any of your children’s needs during this difficult time. 
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Stalking and Harassment

Even after a relationship ends, an abusive partner may continue to intrude on your life through persistent, unwanted contact. This can include repeated phone calls, texts, emails, and messages on social media. Some may go as far as showing up at your home, workplace, or community spaces uninvited. These tactics are meant to instill fear, assert dominance, and wear you down emotionally. It’s a clear form of post-separation abuse—and it can escalate quickly. 

What You Can Do: 

  • Keep a record of all incidents and communications.   
  • Consider applying for a restraining or protection order. 
  • Reach out to support services for help with safety planning. 
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Violence

Post-separation violence is the most extreme and dangerous form of abuse. When power and control begin to slip, some abusive partners escalate to physical violence—often acting on threats they’ve made before. For women and gender-diverse survivors, the period immediately after leaving is the most lethal. In fact, the risk of intimate partner homicide is highest within the first three months of separation. No threat should ever be taken lightly. 

What You Can Do: 

  • Create a safety plan with support from a trusted service or shelter. 
  • Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. 
  • Connect with organizations like BWSS for ongoing safety and support. 

Post-separation abuse is not just a continuation of harm—it’s a deliberate attempt to regain control. Recognizing the tactics is a powerful first step in protecting yourself and those you love. You are not alone, and help is available. At BWSS, we’re here to support you with advocacy, legal resources, counselling, and safety planning every step of the way.

If you or someone you know needs support, BWSS is here. You can create a safety plan or speak with an advocate confidentially by calling our crisis line at 1-855-687-1868. Together, we can explore your options and help you reclaim safety.

Violence Against Women Prevention Week (April 20–April 26) and Fashion Revolution Week (April 22–April 27)

During this Violence Against Women Prevention Week, as we #WearJustice #BuildSafety, we will share more resources on post-separation abuse – why a survivor might return, common tactics of post-separation abuse and provide strategies for overcoming them. Stay tuned. 
Learn More About #WearJustice #BuildSafety