60 Barriers to Leaving: Why Survivors Stay and What Systems Must Change

Adapted and expanded from Sarah M. Buel’s “Fifty Obstacles to Leaving, a.k.a. Why Abuse Victims Stay,” updated through a BWSS feminist, decolonial, and trauma- and violence-informed lens – 2025.

I. Structural & Systemic  | 
II. Social & Relational  | 
III. Cultural & Institutional  | 
IV. Intersectional & Environmental  | 
V. Geographic & Political  | 
VI. Systemic & Global

I. Structural and Systemic Barriers

1. Lack of Advocacy and Navigation Support
Without strong, informed advocates, survivors navigate legal, housing, income, child protection, and immigration systems alone—complex and retraumatizing.

2. Abuser’s Power and Influence
When abusive partners hold wealth, status, or community power, they manipulate institutions and intimidate survivors and advocates.

3. Credible Threats and Fear of Lethal Violence
Leaving increases danger. Fear is not weakness; it’s an accurate risk assessment where most femicides occur during or after separation.

4. Concern for Children’s Well-Being
Survivors may stay believing two-parent homes are safer. Witnessing violence is itself harm.

5. Children’s Pressure and Emotional Manipulation
Abusive partners use children as leverage—turning them into messengers or emotional hostages to force reconciliation.

6. Cultural, Racial, and Community Pressures
Survivors of colour, Indigenous women, and migrants face racism in systems and pressure not to “betray” community by reporting to colonial or white-dominated institutions.

7. Minimization and Denial
Gaslighting, cultural conditioning, and systemic disbelief cause survivors to question danger or downplay violence.

8. Disability and Accessibility Barriers
Inaccessible housing, shelters, and transit—plus ableism in health and justice systems—block safety.

9. Older Age and Dependency
Elders may fear institutionalization, poverty, or isolation more than continued abuse where ageism intersects with dependency.

10. Acceptance of Excuses
When communities excuse violence as stress, substance use, or “anger issues,” survivors internalize those narratives.

11. Family or Community Pressure
Families may urge reconciliation for appearances, cultural reputation, or finances.

12. Fear of Retaliation
Threats to harm, stalk, or kill survivors or children are credible. Leaving without protection can be fatal.

13. Fear of Losing Children
Abusive partners weaponize custody. Courts often mislabel violence as “conflict,” granting access to abusers.

14. Economic and Financial Control
Withholding money, sabotaging work, or coercing debt maintains power and control.

15. Economic Insecurity After Leaving
Separation brings housing shortages, job loss, and inadequate income support—pushing many back.

16. Feelings of Obligation or Gratitude
Abusive partners pose as rescuers or providers, creating guilt and obligation.

17. Guilt and Self-Blame
Systemic victim-blaming reinforces messages that violence is provoked or deserved.

18. Homelessness and Housing Scarcity
Without safe, affordable housing, survivors face homelessness, couch-surfing, or returning to abuse.

19. Hope and the Cycle of Promises
Apologies, gifts, and promises in the “honeymoon phase” sustain false hope and confusion.

20. Isolation from Support Networks
Abusive partners sever social and professional ties, blocking access to help and housing.

II. Social and Relational Pressures

21. Pressure to Preserve the Family
Expectations of being a “good partner” or “good mother” pressure survivors to stay for appearances or stability.

22. Barriers to Literacy or Information Access
Limited literacy or digital access blocks understanding of rights and options.

23. Criminalization and Systemic Entrapment
Survivors are arrested for self-defense, poverty-related offenses, or coercion—eroding trust in protection systems.

24. Law Enforcement Collusion or Impunity
When abusers work in law enforcement or the military, survivors face retaliation, disbelief, and cover-ups.

25. 2SLGBTQIA+ Survivors and Systemic Erasure
Queer, trans, and non-binary survivors encounter discrimination, outing, denial of services, and police hostility.

26. Erosion of Self-Worth
Verbal and psychological abuse degrade confidence and autonomy.

27. Emotional Attachment and Love
Love, shared history, and children make leaving emotionally complex.

28. Unsafe Mediation or “Couples Counselling”
Mandated mediation or joint counselling ignores power imbalance and increases risk.

29. Health and Care Dependence
Reliance on abusive partners for medical care, insurance, or physical assistance creates impossible trade-offs.

30. Mental Health Stigma and Institutional Harm
Trauma, depression, or anxiety are weaponized to discredit survivors; punitive systems deepen harm.

III. Cultural and Institutional Entrapment

31. Cognitive or Communication Differences
Survivors with cognitive, developmental, or communication differences face exclusion and lack tailored safety planning.

32. Military and Paramilitary Systems
Institutional loyalty protects abusive partners; reporting risks retaliation or economic loss.

33. No Safe Housing Options
Shelter shortages, discrimination, and restrictive eligibility leave no viable escape routes.

34. Limited Employment Opportunities
Lack of education, training, or childcare locks survivors in low-wage or unsafe jobs.

35. Lack of Information About Resources
Public education on GBV is fragmented and underfunded; many don’t know help exists or fear hidden costs.

36. Criminal Record or Legal Barriers
Coerced offenses or existing records block housing, jobs, and victim services.

37. History of Prior Abuse
Repeated trauma can normalize violence and internalize blame.

38. Distrust of the Legal System
Past failures—being ignored, blamed, or retraumatized—create rational distrust of police and courts.

39. Repeated Promises of Change
Remorse and declarations of reform perpetuate cycles of hope and harm.

40. Religious or Spiritual Pressure
Some leaders prioritize forgiveness over safety, pressuring reconciliation.

IV. Intersectional and Environmental Barriers

41. Rural and Remote Isolation
Limited anonymity, scarce services, and long travel distances increase risk.

42. Strategic Staying for Safety
Remaining can be a deliberate survival strategy to monitor risk or protect children.

43. Educational Institutional Failure
Schools and universities often fail to address dating violence, leaving survivors exposed.

44. Shame and Social Stigma
Blaming narratives sustain silence and isolation.

45. Trauma Bonding
Intermittent kindness amidst abuse creates powerful bonds that mimic attachment and hope.

46. Substance Use and Systemic Exclusion
Coping through use is a trauma response; punitive policies exclude survivors from housing or custody.

47. Youth and Early Relationships
Adolescents are vulnerable to coercion and grooming with few trusted adults to intervene.

48. Transportation and Mobility Barriers
Without safe, affordable transit, survivors cannot reach courts, shelters, or childcare.

49. Lack of Public Awareness that Abuse Is a Crime
Communities still treat IPV as private or mutual—rather than a public-safety issue.

50. Immigration Status and State Control
Abusers weaponize immigration—threatening deportation, withholding documents, exploiting sponsorship dependence.

V. Geographic and Political Barriers

51. State Harm and Institutional Retaliation
Survivors face surveillance, punishment, and child removal through systems that reproduce patriarchal and colonial control.

52. Digital Surveillance and Technology-Facilitated Abuse
Spyware, GPS, smart devices, and online harassment erode privacy and safety.

53. Climate and Housing Displacement
Wildfires, floods, and displacement increase exposure to violence in temporary or precarious housing.

54. Colonial Violence and Loss of Land-Based Safety
Indigenous survivors face overlapping harms from partners and the colonial state that dismantled kinship protections.

55. Service Scarcity and Funding Injustice
Chronic underfunding of women’s and community-based services leaves survivors without consistent supports.

56. Structural Stigma in Health and Substance-Use Systems
Institutions pathologize survivors instead of addressing violence—leading to coerced treatment and loss of autonomy.

57. Migrant and Refugee Precarity
Exploitative labour, precarious status, and international custody barriers tie safety to immigration outcomes.

58. Cultural Gaslighting and Public Disbelief
A culture that doubts survivors and excuses abusive partners keeps violence invisible.

59. Community Complicity and Bystander Inaction
Friends, employers, neighbours, and professionals may see warning signs but fail to intervene due to fear, stigma, or normalization.

60. Resistance, Survival, and the Cost of Safety
Even acts of self-protection are punished. Surviving becomes political labour in systems that treat safety as conditional.

“Survivors don’t fail to leave — systems fail to create the conditions where safety is possible.”

From Individual Choice to Collective Responsibility

Every barrier reflects structural neglect, economic inequality, colonial violence, and gendered power—not survivors’ choices.

Safety is not achieved by escape alone; it is built through public investment, cultural transformation, and accountability at every level.

Ending gender-based violence requires dismantling the conditions that make surviving the only option.

This week, Battered Women’s Support Services (BWSS) attended the Union of BC Municipalities (UBCM) conference in Victoria to push forward five urgent actions needed to end femicide in British Columbia. In meetings with mayors, councillors, provincial ministers, and senior staff across key ministries, BWSS presented its five emergency asks:

1. Mandate Municipal Gender-Based Violence Task Force – Every city must convene survivor-centred task forces to coordinate safety across policing, housing, and justice.
2. Stabilize Frontline Services – Provide a 15% emergency funding increase so community-based victim services, Stopping the Violence (STV) outreach, and transition house workers can meet demand.
3. Standardize Risk Assessment – Make intimate partner violence risk assessment tools mandatory across police, Crown, child protection, and other systems, with oversight and enforcement.
4. Launch a Province-Wide Prevention Campaign – Use government communications infrastructure to educate the public and prevent violence.
5. Appoint a Gender-Based Violence Lead – Establish a provincial lead in the Ministry of Public Safety and Solicitor General to coordinate across ministries and municipalities.

“We came out of UBCM encouraged,” said Angela Marie MacDougall, Executive Director of BWSS. “Municipal leaders across the province are picking up this work and are taking action in their communities. The opportunity now is for every level of government to act – not with declarations, but with the coordinated, resourced interventions that will save lives.

BWSS also raised the pressing issue of the cost of doing nothing: “We estimate the cost of inaction on intimate partner violence at $11,000 per person, per year,” said MacDougall. “That figure reflects Justice Canada’s national estimate of $7.4 billion annually, spread across policing, health care, housing, and justice. When applied locally and accounting for BC’s emergency shelter costs, court delays, and the pressure on municipal services, the true cost is likely even higher. Cities are already paying this price, and they are paying it reactively, inefficiently, and without a coordinated plan.”

BWSS emphasized that these measures are not optional, but necessary. Thirty-six women and girls have been killed in the past thirteen months in BC alone, a devastating pattern with no coordinated emergency response.

In the weeks and months ahead, BWSS will continue working alongside municipalities, provincial ministries, federal departments, and community organizations to advance these urgent actions and demand governments move from words to action before more lives are lost.

Today, the IIO has published its findings into the fatal police shooting of Vanessa Rentería in Surrey, BC. As an anti-violence and mental health advocate organization, we issue the following response:

This report highlights the narrow focus of the Independent Investigations Office in BC. It treats Vanessa’s pain as pathology rather than as the predictable outcome of violence, marginalization, and systemic neglect.

First, to the extent that mental distress was present, it was inseparable from a deeper crisis of genderbased violence and housing insecurity. Vanessa was a newcomer, a mother, and someone who had already sought refuge from an abusive environment. BWSS has documented that her history of leaving a home with abuse and her status as a Spanish speaker in a city with inadequate interpretation built structural risk into her encounter with RCMP. There is evidence that she left the transition house she was staying due to the house being defunded by the province of British Columbia and she eventually returned to a place she had previously fled.

Sandra (Vanessa’s sister) at the 34th Annual February 14th Women’s Memorial March Downtown Eastside Vancouver honouring all missing and murdered women, girls and 2S.

Second, the report confirms that core pillars of safe crisis response were absent: There was no meaningful risk assessment, no linguistically competent intervention, and no trauma-informed de-escalation. By ignoring these, the system failed her before armed officers even arrived.

Third, rather than calming the moment, policing escalated it. Armed formations, repeated shouted commands, and a tactical posture turned vulnerability into justification for force, rather than offering genuine sanctuary.

Fourth, the fact that the Subject Officer declined to give a statement is deeply troubling. It underscores the structural impunity built into policing and oversight: the one person who could directly explain why the shots were fired remained silent, while the final narrative privileges police perceptions over community voices and
lived context.

Fifth, the IIO’s framing reinforces the police story instead of interrogating it. Rather than exposing structural failure — the absence of translation, risk tools, trauma-informed teams, or alternative crisis pathways — the report treats lethal force as the inevitable resolution. That is not accountability.

Sixth, Language access is a matter of life and death. Vanessa was a Spanish-speaking woman in crisis, yet no Spanish-speaking officers were deployed. Instead, RCMP relied on Google Translate, a free app, to communicate in a moment where every word mattered. Vanessa didn’t need Google Translate; she needed safety. That the RCMP relied on a free app in a life-or death crisis shows how little value is placed on the lives of immigrant women.

Sandra (Vanessa’s sister) speaking to media

The RCMP treated Google Translate like a life-saving intervention. It isn’t, it is an app and relying on it in a moment like this speaks volumes about systemic disregard for Immigrant women’s lives.

Machine translation cannot provide nuance, reassurance, or trust. It cannot replace the role of a qualified interpreter, let alone the culturally informed care that should have been deployed. Miscommunication through the app even produced the most explosive claim of the night that Vanessa said she would harm her baby, a claim later walked back by witnesses. That single mistranslated moment may have escalated the encounter toward her death.

Using Google Translate in a crisis is not a neutral act. It is systemic negligence. It reflects an institution that is comfortable improvising with women’s lives rather than investing in basic, life-saving language access.

Finally, the outcome, a child left without her mother, was not an act of fate, it was preventable. It is a stark example of state-inflicted femicide, when survivors of violence are met not with protection but with bullets.

Vanessa’s death demands more than condolences or procedural reform. It demands a reckoning with how policing, accountability, transparency, oversight, and crisis systems fail survivors. We stand united with her sister, friends and family in Colombia, with her child, and with all those suffering in invisible crisis. The public deserves nothing less than accountability, honesty, transparency, and justice.

In the past 13 months, 34 women have been killed in British Columbia. Each was loved, cherished, and irreplaceable. Each should still be alive today.

Last week, we gathered in Gastown at the vigil for Ivy Michelle Bell. This weekend, we stood with family and community in Maple Ridge to honour Jessica Cunningham. This Saturday, we will travel to Kelowna for the celebration of life for Bailey McCourt.

These gatherings are moments of profound grief. They are also reminders of love—the love families and communities hold for women whose lives have been stolen by male violence, and the love that fuels our fight for change.

What’s at Stake

Just this past Friday, Vancouver police confirmed two women were killed and one seriously injured. A man has since been charged with second-degree murder and aggravated assault.

This horrific event is part of a devastating pattern. In BC, femicide is not an isolated act. It is a public safety emergency.

What We’re Doing Together

At BWSS, we are pressing forward with urgency on five immediate interventions designed to end femicide in BC—five actions that are clear and achievable:

1. Mandate Municipal GBV Task Forces – Every city must take action, convening survivor-centred task forces to coordinate safety across policing, housing, and justice.

2. Stabilize Frontline Services – Provide a 15% emergency funding increase so community-based victim services, STV outreach, and transition house workers can meet demand.

3. Standardize Risk Assessment – Make intimate partner violence risk tools mandatory across police, Crown, child protection, and more, with oversight and enforcement.

4. Launch a Province-Wide Prevention Campaign – Use government communications infrastructure to educate the public and prevent violence.

5. Appoint a GBV Lead – Establish a provincial lead in Public Safety/Attorney General’s office to coordinate across ministries and municipalities.

Pushing at Every Level

Last month, BWSS convened a provincial roundtable on gender justice and ending violence, bringing together advocates from across BC, including organizations representing Indigenous, Black, rural, and remote communities, to meet with Canada’s Minister for Women and Gender Equality, Rechie Valdez.

The meeting opened with a territorial welcome and a moment of silence for women and girls lost to femicide, setting the tone for deep reflection and shared resolve. Together, participants presented three urgent federal asks:

• Stable, multiyear core funding for the sector

• Shifting investments toward the care economy, housing, and prevention

• Independent, survivor- and Indigenous-led accountability for the National Action Plan on GBV and the MMIWG Calls for Justice

The Minister was invited to carry these priorities forward to Cabinet, and participants affirmed that survivor safety is public safety, committing to reconvene ahead of the Fall 2025 federal budget.

BWSS was joined by powerful voices including Amy FitzGerald (BC Society of Transition Houses), Nataizya Mukwavi (Black Women Connect Vancouver), Sharon Gregson (Coalition of Childcare Advocates of BC), Alice Kendall (Downtown Eastside Women’s Centre), Ninu Kang (Ending Violence Association of BC), Jennifer Mackie (Fraser Region Aboriginal Friendship Centre Association), Sue Brown (Justice for Girls), Lisa Schmidt (‘Ksan Society), Lynnell Halikowski (Prince George Sexual Assault Centre), Shahnaz Rahman (Surrey Women’s Centre), Laurie Hannah (Westcoast Community Resources Society), and Shannon Daub (West Coast LEAF).

We thank these incredible leaders for sharing their voice, brilliance, and presence.

Advocacy in Action

Alongside community partners, BWSS has been meeting with mayors across BC, urging immediate action—and the response has been encouraging.

We continue to work directly with the Attorney General’s office. Attorney General Niki Sharma has shown clear understanding of the urgency and what is at stake, and we are grateful for her leadership.

Just today, BWSS met with the Premier, the Attorney General, Deputy Minister Shannon Salter, and senior staff to reiterate the five immediate interventions. The conversation was effective, and while we are encouraged, we remain determined to keep pushing until change is realized.

Read More

• Survivor-Centred Safety: Building Momentum with BC Municipalities

• BWSS Hosts Provincial Roundtable on Gender Justice and Ending Violence

How You Can Help

Our strength comes from survivors and communities standing with us. Thank you for signing on to #DesignedWithSurvivors. Here’s how you can support right now:

• Share the tracker and blogs on your social media

• Highlight and amplify the “Five Immediate Actions to End Femicide in BC”

• Stay engaged by following updates through #DesignedWithSurvivors

We cannot bring back the women we have lost. Together we can build a BC where survivors are safe, women’s lives are protected, justice is upheld, and femicide is no longer tolerated.

A public safety failure. A systemic pattern. A chance to act. Gender-based Violence is endemic 

Since just the end of May, we’ve seen multiple femicides in communities across B.C.—a cascade of loss rooted in gaps at every level of the system. Even when survivors reached out, the responses were fragmented: RCMP failed to respond, risk assessments were missed, legal protections went unenforced, and frontline services remained undervalued.

These aren’t isolated incidents. They’re not crises of compassion. They are the predictable outcomes of systems that were never built with survivors in mind.

This is what a public safety failure looks like.

For too long, public safety has been narrowly defined by law enforcement. But policing alone cannot prevent femicide. True public safety means coordinated action across all levels of government. It means legal systems that protect, social systems that respond, housing systems that shelter, economic systems the support survivors, and health systems that heal. It means trauma- and violence-informed services that meet survivors before crisis hits.

Public safety doesn’t end with the police—it starts with all of us.

We cannot wait for the next tragedy. That’s why BWSS is putting forward Five Immediate Provincial Actions to Stop the Next Femicide—designed to embed survivor-informed safety across public systems.

Five Immediate Provincial Actions

1. Mandate a Province-Wide Municipal GBV Task Force

Establish a cabinet directive requiring every municipality to convene a gender-based violence (GBV) task force. Terms of reference should ensure victim/survivor-centred practice, community-based leadership, and coordination across public safety, housing, and justice systems—starting with intimate partner violence (IPV) as a core priority.

2. Stabilize Frontline GBV Services with a 15% Funding Increase

Provide $14.1M in crisis stabilization funding to address wage disparities and growing demand across PEACE, STV Outreach, and Community-based Victim Services Programs. Priority should be given to services responding to IPV, where staffing shortages are putting lives at risk. This funding can complement ongoing collective bargaining processes and serve as a workforce retention measure.

3. Standardize and Enforce Risk Assessment Tools for Intimate Partner Violence

Mandate consistent use of approved IPV risk assessment tools (e.g., SIPVR) across police, Crown, and MCFD. Introduce enforcement, oversight, and training mechanisms to ensure these tools are not optional but standard public safety protocol.

4. Launch a Province-Wide Prevention and Public Awareness Campaign

Phase in education and prevention programming, beginning with a cross-ministry public awareness campaign on intimate partner violence. Build on existing provincial communications infrastructure (e.g., wildfire, overdose, vaccine messaging). Future phases should include GBV prevention in schools, workplaces, and community settings.

5. Designate a GBV Lead within the Ministry of Public Safety

Appoint an interim or permanent cross-ministerial lead on GBV—ideally with IPV experience—to coordinate implementation, liaise with municipalities, and ensure alignment across justice, housing, and health etc. This role can be assigned via internal realignment, without triggering new hiring or budget allocations.

Our proposal is not aspirational, it’s urgent and actionable. When public safety means more than sirens—and is built with survivors in mind—lives change. A survivor-centred infrastructure saves lives before tragedy strikes, offers healing on the other side of abuse, and dismantles the belief that violence is inevitable.

This is our moment to act. We must transform the system, starting now, and do so with unwavering survivor leadership. If this feels like the public safety you’ve been waiting for, stand with us, please ask your municipality to form a GBV task force, demand risk assessment enforcement, support frontline services, and insist that GBV be treated as the public safety emergency it is. Together, we can stop the next femicide not after it’s written in headlines, but before the violence ever begins.