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5 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Closet

Mar 24, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

It’s Spring Cleaning Time! The perfect time to refresh your space, and that includes your closet! As the seasons change, it’s a great opportunity to declutter, reorganize, and make room for pieces that truly spark joy. Here are five simple tips to help you get started in your spring cleaning.

#1 - Sort with Purpose
Take a close look at your wardrobe and ask yourself: Have I worn this in the past year? Does it still fit my style and lifestyle? If not, it might be time to let it go. Be honest about what you love and what’s just taking up space—holding onto items “just in case” often leads to unnecessary clutter.
#2 - Organize by Season
Make dressing for the weather effortless by keeping seasonal pieces at the forefront. Pack away bulky winter coats and heavy sweaters to free up space for lighter spring and summer attire. Using clear bins or vacuum-sealed bags can help keep off-season clothing organized and protected.
#3 - Check for Condition
Inspect each item for wear and tear. Pieces that are still in great condition but no longer fit your style or needs could be loved by someone else! If something has minor damage, consider whether a quick repair could bring it back to life before parting with it.
#4 - Declutter Accessories
Shoes, handbags, scarves, and jewelry often pile up unnoticed. Take time to go through them and let go of anything you no longer wear. Organizing accessories by type or colour can make them easier to find and use, adding a fresh touch to your daily outfits.
#5 - Adopt the One-In, One-Out Rule
To maintain a clutter-free wardrobe, commit to donating or selling an item for every new piece you add. This simple habit helps keep your closet balanced, ensuring you only hold onto things that truly bring value and joy.

Donate Your Gently Used Items to My Sister’s Closet

Once you’ve cleaned out your closet, consider donating your gently used clothing and accessories to My Sister’s Closet. Your donations help support the ending gender-based violence work of Battered Women’s Support Services.

And here’s the best part, during this spring cleaning season, from March 24th to March 31st, when you donate, you’ll receive a 20% off coupon for your next in-store purchase!

Start your spring cleaning today and support thrift shopping to end violence. Donate your gently used clothing to My Sister’s Closet today!

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868
Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867
Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

Staying Safe While Online Dating

Mar 19, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

In 2024, the way couples meet has shifted dramatically, with 60% of people now finding their partners through online connections. It’s more important than ever to recognize the role the internet plays in keeping us connected, especially when it comes to dating. From dating apps and social media interactions to internet forums and beyond, online spaces have made it easier to meet new people but it comes with its challenges.

@smallcap_hugeprofit How did you meet your spouse? Times have changed! This #datavisualization shows a shift away from traditional introductions through friends and family or marrying high school sweethearts. The internet has transformed our love lives. What are your thoughts? #DisruptiveInnovation #ModernDating #Relationships #SocialTrends #Marriage ♬ original sound - smallcap_hugeprofit

With so many turning to the internet for relationships and friendship, it’s essential to consider how we can make these connections safely. How can we ensure our online experiences are comfortable and secure?

Here are a few things to think about as you take those first steps in connecting online:

1) Check-in with Yourself and your Boundaries

Before you start connecting with others online, it’s important to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: “Am I ready to date? Am I interested in more casual dating, or am I trying to meet my forever partner?”

Asking yourself these questions is as important as knowing what you’re looking for. It can also help ease some worries and ensure you’re using your time wisely while online.

Alongside this, take the time to think about what dating means to you and identify your boundaries. Knowing what your boundaries are around things such as communication, personal space and intimacy can help you feel confident in yourself as you begin dating and help you establish clear expectations to avoid feeling uncomfortable as things progress.

2) Protect Your Privacy

When dating online, safeguarding your personal information is critical. Avoid sharing sensitive details like your home address, financial information, or private life too soon. Only begin disclosing personal information once trust has been established, and you feel comfortable with the person you’re interacting with. This extra caution will help you maintain control over your privacy and minimize any risks associated with sharing too much too soon.

Alongside this, take the time to think about what dating means to you and identify your boundaries. Knowing what your boundaries are around things such as communication, personal space and intimacy can help you feel confident in yourself as you begin dating and help you establish clear expectations to avoid feeling uncomfortable as things progress.

3) Trust Your Instincts

Your intuition is one of your best tools in staying safe online. If something feels off or you notice red flags in someone’s behaviour, don’t hesitate to step back and reconsider. It’s perfectly okay to be cautious, and your safety should always come first. Some common red flags to watch out for include someone who pressures you for personal information too quickly, exhibits controlling behaviour, or seems overly eager to meet up without getting to know you first. If anything feels wrong, trust your gut and take a step back to reassess.

4) Keep Communication Public

In the early stages of online dating, it’s wise to keep your conversations on the dating platform or through messaging apps that don’t reveal your personal phone number. This extra layer of security allows you to maintain privacy while you’re still getting to know the person. It also provides a clear boundary between your personal life and online interactions, giving you more control over how much you’re sharing.

5) Meet in Safe Public Spaces

When you’re ready to meet in person, always choose a public setting. Opt for places like a coffee shop, a restaurant, or a park, where there are other people around. Public spaces are ideal because they offer a safer environment for both of you to get to know each other without unnecessary risks. Always inform a trusted friend or family member about your plans, including where you’re meeting, who you’re meeting, and any other details for extra peace of mind. Let them know when you plan to check in or return home as an added layer of safety.

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867 Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

Canadian Government Eliminates Minister for Women and Gender Equality Amid United Nations Womens’ Rights Summit

Mar 15, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

New York UNHQ –   It is unacceptable that the new Canadian Prime Minister has eliminated the position of Minister for Women and Gender Equality and Youth (WAGE) in his newly announced cabinet. This regressive step undermines decades of progress toward gender equality and political representation in Canada. Even in a lean cabinet, which purports to be responding to specific economic pressures, the absence of this dedicated minister sends a troubling message about the current government’s priorities and commitment to advancing rights for intergenerational women,  2SLGBTQIIA+ people and gender equality at large. A strong economy demands that we invest in feminist policies, like healthcare, pharmacare, childcare, the national action plan to end gender based violence, and so much more. Gender equality is not an afterthought; it is the backbone of a strong economy and resilient society.

WAGE must retain a dedicated cabinet position. Consolidating these responsibilities into a broader portfolio undermines the focus, expertise, and resources required to tackle systemic issues effectively. Simply put, it will not work. Gender equality demands dedicated leadership, accountability, and sustained attention—none of which can be adequately achieved when it is treated as an afterthought within a larger, unrelated ministry.

This move, dismantling the national machinery for women’s rights and gender equality, has far-reaching implications. This decision comes amid a broader international backlash on women and gender rights, with countries rolling back protections and support structures. We are also deeply concerned about the deprioritization of the young feminist portfolio. This pushes young feminists in Canada back into the footnotes of decision-making, ripping away a hard-won seat at the table when it is most critical.

This week 189 countries, including Canada, are reviewing 30 years of progress on women’s advancement. The removal of this cabinet position is a betrayal of the principles outlined in the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action, which Canada has long supported. Furthermore, it contradicts the spirit of Canada’s Feminist International Assistance Policy and the ongoing efforts to address the crisis of missing and murdered Indigenous women and 2SLGBTQIIA+ people.

The removal of this cabinet position is not just a symbolic loss; it has real-world implications for millions of women and gender-diverse people and workers in Canada who rely on the government to protect their rights and advance their interests. Furthermore, Canada’s commitment to women’s rights, equality and full participation in society depends on this department’s sustained funding, policy making and accountability measures.

It is imperative that the Prime Minister reconsider this decision and reinstate a dedicated Minister for Women and Gender Equality and Youth to ensure that these critical issues remain at the forefront of Canada’s political agenda. People in Canada do not have to choose between the economy and critical social priorities.

We, the undersigned, demand better.

Pour diffusion immédiate
14 mars 2025

Le gouvernement canadien supprime le poste de ministre des Femmes et Égalité des genres pendant qu’un sommet des Nations Unies sur les droits des femmes se déroule.

Siège de l’ONU, New York – Il est inacceptable que le nouveau Premier ministre canadien ait supprimé le poste de ministre des Femmes et Égalité des genres et de la Jeunesse (FEGC) dans son cabinet nouvellement annoncé. Cette mesure régressive sape des décennies de progrès vers l’égalité des genres et la représentation politique au Canada. Même dans un cabinet restreint, censé répondre à des pressions économiques spécifiques, l’absence de ce ministre dédié envoie un message troublant sur les priorités du gouvernement actuel et son engagement à faire progresser les droits des femmes intergénérationnelles, des personnes 2ELGBTQIIA+ et l’égalité des genres en général. Une économie forte exige que nous investissions dans des politiques féministes, comme les soins de santé, l’assurance médicaments, la garde d’enfants, le plan d’action national pour mettre fin à la violence fondée sur le genre, et bien plus encore. L’égalité des genres n’est pas une réflexion a posteriori ; c’est l’épine dorsale d’une économie forte et d’une société résiliente.

FEGC doit conserver un poste dédié au cabinet. La consolidation de ces responsabilités dans un portefeuille plus large compromet l’attention, l’expertise et les ressources nécessaires pour s’attaquer efficacement aux problèmes systémiques. En termes simples, cela ne fonctionnera pas. L’égalité des genres exige un leadership dédié, une responsabilité et une attention soutenue – rien de tout cela ne peut être adéquatement réalisé lorsqu’elle est traitée comme une réflexion a posteriori au sein d’un ministère plus large et sans rapport.

Cette décision, qui démantèle le mécanisme national pour les droits des femmes et l’égalité des genres, a des implications de grande portée. Elle intervient dans un contexte plus large de réaction internationale contre les droits des femmes et l’égalité des genres, avec des pays qui reviennent sur les protections et les structures de soutien. Nous sommes également profondément préoccupés par la déprioritisation du portefeuille des jeunes féministes. Cela relègue les jeunes féministes au Canada au second plan dans les prises de décision, leur arrachant une place durement gagnée à la table au moment le plus critique.

Cette semaine, 189 pays, dont le Canada, examinent 30 ans de progrès en matière d’avancement des femmes. La suppression de ce poste au cabinet est une trahison des principes énoncés dans la Déclaration et le Programme d’action de Beijing, que le Canada a longtemps soutenus. De plus, cela contredit l’esprit de la Politique d’aide internationale féministe du Canada et les efforts en cours pour résoudre la crise des femmes autochtones disparues et assassinées et des personnes 2ELGBTQIIA+.

La suppression de ce poste au cabinet n’est pas seulement une perte symbolique ; elle a des implications concrètes pour des millions de femmes, de personnes de diverses identités de genre et de travailleuses au Canada qui comptent sur le gouvernement pour protéger leurs droits et faire avancer leurs intérêts. De plus, l’engagement du Canada envers les droits des femmes, l’égalité des genres et la pleine participation à la société dépend du financement soutenu, de l’élaboration de politiques et des mesures de responsabilisation de ce ministère.

Il est impératif que le Premier ministre reconsidère cette décision et rétablisse un ministre dédié aux Femmes et Égalité des genres et à la Jeunesse pour s’assurer que ces questions cruciales restent au premier plan de l’agenda politique du Canada.

Les personnes au Canada n’ont pas à choisir entre l’économie et les priorités sociales critiques.

Nous, les soussignées, exigeons mieux.

Media Contact/Contact pour les médias

Anuradha Dugal – Women’s Shelters Canada

514-994-6804

adugal@endvaw.ca

 

Jackie Neapole – Canadian Research Institute for the Advancement of Women (CRIAW-ICREF)

613-619-1961

jackie@criaw-icref.ca

ONS
Debbie Owusu-Akyeeah – Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights

647-718-5872

debbie@actioncanadashr.org

SIGNATORIES 

‘Ksan Society
AccesBC Campaign for Free Prescription Contraception in BC
Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights
Ann Pederson
Association Québécoise de coopération internationale
Aura Freedom
Aura Freedom International
Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic
BC Society of Transition Houses (BCSTH)V
Big Brothers Big Sisters of Victoria Capital Region
BizKids Practical Education ASSN
BWSS Battered Women’s Support Services Association
Campaign 2000: End Child and Family Poverty
Canadian Alliance for Sex Work Law Reform (CASWLR)
Canadian Association for Girls in Science (CAGIS)
Canadian Center for Women’s Empowerment
Canadian Council of Muslim Women (CCMW)
Canadian Union of Public Employees (CUPE)
Canadian Voice of Women for Peace
Canadian Women’s Foundation
Centrale des syndicats du Québec
CFUW (Canadian Federation of University Women)
Child Care Now
Choice in Health Clinic
Circle Community LandTrust
City for All Women Initiative (CAWI)
DAWN Canada
Dr. Amanda Dale – Women’s Rights Institute; Human Rights Research and Education Centre, University of Ottawa
Elementary Teachers’ Federation of Ontario (ETFO)
Elizabeth Fry Society of Northeastern Ontario
Elizabeth Fry Society of Ottawa
Elizabeth Fry Society of Quebec
Elizabeth Fry Society Simcoe Muskoka
Ending Violence Association of British Columbia (EVABC)
Fédération des maisons d’hébergement pour femmes
Fédération interprofessionelle de la santé du Québec
Flemingdon Health Centre
Fora: Network for Change
Génération Cinq
Global Women in STEM
Haida Gwaii Society for Community Peace
Huronia Transition Homes
Inter Pares
Interval House of Ottawa
Kootenai Community Centre Society – Creston, BC
Lakehead University Student Union
Maama Watali
Manitoulin Family Resources
Martha Paynter – Director of Research at Wellness Within
Medical Herstory
Migrant Workers Centre BC
Minerva Foundation for BC Women
Muskoka Parry Sound Sexual Assault Services
National Association of Women and the Law / Association nationale Femmes et Droit
Nelson Community Services
New Brunswick Coalition for Pay Equity
Northern Society for Domestic Peace, BC
Ontario Association of Interval & Transition Houses
Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres (OCRCC)
Ontario Federation of Labour
Ontario Nonprofit Network (ONN)
Ontario Secondary School Teachers’ Federation
Ottawa Coalition To End Violence Against Women -(OCTEVAW)
Pacific Immigrant Resources Society
PearlSpace Support Services Society
PEI Coalition for Women’s Leadership
Planned Parenthood Toronto
Ralph Thornton Community Centre
Revelstoke Women’s Shelter Society
REVIVE, Sexual Assault Rape Crisis Centre of Peel
Salal Sexual Violence Support Centre (previously WAVAW Rape Crisis Centre)
SARA for Women
Shuswap Area Family Emergency (SAFE) Society
Society of Queer Momentum
South Okanagan Women in Need Society
South Peace Community Resources Society (SPCRS)
Syndicat de professionelles et professionels du gouvernement du Québec
The Canadian Association of Elizabeth Fry Societies
The Canadian Research Institute for the Advancement of Women
The Elizabeth Fry Society of Cape Breton
The Elizabeth Fry Society of Mainland Nova Scotia
The Hon. Senator Marilou McPhedran
West Coast LEAF
WomanACT
Women Transforming Cities
Women’s Centre for Social Justice (WomenatthecentrE)
Women’s Legal Education and Action Fund (LEAF)
Women’s National Housing & Homelessness Network
Women’s Shelters Canada
Women’s International League of Peace and Freedom Canada
Yellow Brick House
YW Kitchener-Waterloo
YWCA Agvik Nunavut
YWCA Cambridge
YWCA Canada
YWCA Edmonton
YWCA Halifax
YWCA HamiltonYW
YWCA Metro Vancouver
YWCA Niagara Region
YWCA NWT
YWCA Peterborough Haliburton
YWCA Saskatoon
YWCA Toronto

 

 

Understanding Intimate Partner Sexual Violence

Mar 12, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

Intimate Partner Sexual Violence is any form of sexual assault that takes place within an intimate relationship.

It includes not only marital rape, but all other forms of sexual assault that take place within a current or former intimate relationship, whether the partners are married or not.

IPSV involves using force, threats, or coercion to obtain sex or sexual acts; shaming a woman’s sexuality or sexual preferences; and/or not respecting a woman’s sexual or physical privacy.

In a relationship in which IPSV is present, sexual violence is used to gain power and control over a partner.

IPSV includes but is not limited to the following:
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coerced or forced oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse
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violent sex (physical abuse before, during, or after sex)
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forced participation in group sex, or sex with another person, or sex with partner watching or in front of children
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unwanted sexual touching or being forced to touch
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making degrading sexual taunts
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forced involvement in making or watching pornography
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sexual exploitation
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use of technology to victimize
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using sex to prove faithfulness
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withholding affection if sexual demands are not met

While most IPSV takes place in relationships where additional forms of violence are present, IPSV does occur in relationships not characterized by other violence.

IPSV often occurs repeatedly within a relationship:

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In a 2010 survey, 80% of survivors accessing BWSS services reported they had been sexually assaulted by their partners. IPSV can be a serious risk factor for domestic homicide: A physically-abused woman who is also experiencing sexual violence was more than seven times more likely than other abused women to be killed.
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The presence of physical abuse, pregnancy, illness, and attempting to leave or being separated or divorced from a partner are all associated with higher levels of IPSV.
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IPSV can be present in same-gender/same-sex relationships. One study found that 70% of lesbians indicated experiencing incidents of IPSV. Partners may threaten to ‘out’ their partners if sexual demands are not met. Lesbian and trans women experiencing IPSV face additional barriers in seeking support because of the erroneous belief that SV cannot exist in same gender/same-sex relationships.

IPSV carries with it the same impacts as domestic violence and sexual violence.

However, because it rests at the intersection of both of these forms of violence, it also involves a number of unique impacts:

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Difficulty defining the act(s) as sexual assault:

Women are socialized to see rape as involving non-consensual sex between two strangers. Additionally, women may be reluctant to define a partner she loves as a ‘rapist.’ For these and other reasons, a woman experiencing IPSV may have trouble naming her experience as one of sexual assault. This difficulty in identifying an experience as sexual assault can increase the severity of many of the additional impacts.
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Higher levels of anal and oral rape:

Incidents of IPSV appear to be characterized by higher levels of anal and oral rape. These forms of assault are seen as strategies partner perpetrators use to humiliate, punish, and take ‘full’ ownership of their partners.
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Higher levels of physical injury:

While not all sexual assaults include additional physical violence beyond sexual violence, those that do involve injury are likely to be intimate partner sexual assaults. Because IPSV victims experience repeated abuse, the likelihood of physical injury and trauma increases.
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Higher incidence of multiple sexual assaults:

Leaving a relationship, it is important that safety IPSV often occurs repeatedly in a relationship, issues are considered in light of the presence of and IPSV survivors suffer the highest frequency of multiple sexual assaults. This experience of repeated assaults differentiates IPSV from sexual assault perpetrated by a stranger and carries unique consequences for healing and impacts.
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Longer-lasting trauma:

Despite the common assumption that IPSV does not hold as severe an impact as sexual assault by a stranger, research indicates that the trauma resulting from IPSV can in fact be longer lasting and more severe. In part, this is because IPSV survivors face unique challenges around recognizing and naming an act as sexual assault, as well as increased barriers and reluctance to tell others and seek support.
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Advice to ‘put up with’ sexual assault and other forms of secondary wounding:

The commonly held misconception that sexual assault within an intimate relationship is not sexual assault holds a number of repercussions for IPSV survivors who may reach out for help. Marital rape survivors are prone to be advised by church, family, or friends that it is their “wifely duty” to submit to sex with a partner. Similarly, IPSV survivors may face criticism, judgement, or not be taken seriously by police, the legal system or other service providers who continue to perpetuate erroneous beliefs around IPSV and SV in general.
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Financial dependency:

Perpetrators of IPSV may use a woman’s financial dependency to engage in coercive sexual assault. Furthermore, by using various strategies to further compromise a woman’s independence (i.e. not permitting her any money or employment), a perpetrator may further entrench his ability to engage in sexually violent behaviours.
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A general climate of sexual assault:

Women living with IPSV may face a host of other behaviours than rape that would not be acceptable if committed by strangers, such as their breasts being hurt, being forced to touch the perpetrator sexually, and degrading name calling.
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Potential Fatality:

Women who experience sexual assault in addition to physical violence are at a higher risk for homicide than women who are physically abused but not raped. Furthermore, because women are at an increased risk when leaving a relationship, it is important that safety issues are considered in light of the presence of IPSV.
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Deliberately Inflicted Pregnancy or STIs:

Women experiencing IPSV may face the additional impact of unwanted or deliberately inflicted pregnancy in which men rape to impregnate their partners in order to force them to remain in or return to the relationship.
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Self-blame & Shame:

Women may experience intense self-blame and shame for a variety of reasons unique to IPSV.
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Psychological Effects, including shame and confusion:

Women experiencing IPSV often carry a variety of psychological effects including depression, suicide, PTSD, anxiety, fear, self- blame, low self-esteem, and guilt. Additionally, women survivors of IPSV may experience intense self-blame, shame, and confusion.
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Confusion:

Women may struggle with confusion in a number of ways unique to IPSV.

If women are not able to name or label their experience as sexual assault they are less likely to view the impacts they are experiencing as related to the sexual violence: “because they were sexually assaulted or abused by an intimate partner, they frequently don’t identify as victims of rape or sexual assault, yet they are experiencing emotions as a survivor of sexual assault.”

Survivors of IPSV may experience confusion that is rooted in their inability to trust their own judgement, the sense of betrayal they feel at their partner, or societal beliefs that repeatedly deny her experience as one of sexual violence.

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867 Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

No Safe Word: How Strangulation Crosses the Line in Intimate Encounters

Mar 7, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) often manifests through visible injuries—bruises, broken bones, or black eyes. However, some of the most severe injuries leave no obvious mark, lingering silently in the bodies and minds of survivors. Strangulation, an extreme and alarmingly common form of IPV, often occurs in intimate spaces, wielded as a tool of control and dominance. While the act itself is violent and terrifying, its aftermath—a cascade of physical, emotional, and cognitive impacts—remains poorly understood and rarely addressed in healthcare or support systems.  

This article delves into the chilling reality of strangulation as a weapon of power and control, its physiological and psychological consequences, the blurred lines of consent in sexual contexts, and the urgent need to centre survivor voices in healthcare, advocacy, and policy responses. 

The Weapon of Silence: Why Strangulation is a Unique Form of Violence 

Strangulation is not simply a physical act; it is a calculated attempt to dominate and instill terror. Survivors frequently describe the moment of strangulation as one of profound fear—a chilling awareness that their life hangs in the balance. Unlike other physical assaults, strangulation often leaves little external evidence. A survivor may walk away from an incident with no visible bruising, only to suffer devastating internal injuries and long-term neurological effects.

Power and Control

Strangulation is deeply tied to coercion and control. Perpetrators often use it to send an unspoken message: “I control whether you live or die.” This tactic not only creates physical harm but also leaves psychological scars that make survivors more compliant, isolated, and afraid to seek help.

Survivors of strangulation are 750% more likely to be killed by their abuser in subsequent attacks.
68% of IPV survivors report being strangled by their partner at least once.

The act transcends physical assault; it becomes an assertion of ultimate power over another human being.

The Hidden Epidemic: Physiological Impacts of Strangulation Deprivation of Oxygen: An Unseen Crisis 

Strangulation restricts blood flow and oxygen to the brain, resulting in damage that may not manifest immediately. Even if the survivor regains consciousness quickly, the lack of oxygen can kill brain cells, impair cognitive functions, and cause permanent neurological damage.

Immediate and Long-Term Effects:
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Short-term Symptoms: Confusion, dizziness, headaches, visual disturbances, and difficulty speaking.
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Long-term Symptoms: Persistent memory loss, chronic migraines, vertigo, difficulty concentrating, and emotional dysregulation.
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Fatal Consequences: Brain damage, stroke, or delayed death due to blood clots or swelling in the brain.
Immediate and Long-Term Effects

Strangulation-related injuries are often internal, making them difficult for healthcare providers to detect without specialized training or advanced imaging technology. Survivors might not seek medical attention due to fear, shame, or a belief that their injuries are minor because they cannot “see” them. 

Psychological and Emotional Trauma
The Invisible Scars Strangulation is not just about physical harm—it’s about silencing and terrorizing a victim. Survivors frequently report heightened anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation following an assault involving strangulation. 

Cognitive Impacts of Strangulation-Related Brain Injury: 

  • Short-term memory loss
  • Impulsivity
  • Emotional volatility 
  • Difficulty focusing on tasks 

These symptoms often mirror those of mental health disorders, and survivors may face misdiagnoses or accusations of being uncooperative or “lazy.” Survivors may even internalize these misunderstandings, believing they are fundamentally broken rather than understanding they are living with the consequences of physical brain trauma. 

The Health Risks of Strangulation

Strangulation is not a benign act—it’s a form of violence with severe health consequences. Medical experts and neurologists agree: 

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Six to nine seconds of carotid artery compression can cause unconsciousness. 
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Brain damage can begin almost immediately due to lack of oxygen. 
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Symptoms can include neck pain, swelling, difficulty breathing, and even involuntary loss of bodily functions. 
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Neurological Consequence can include potential long-term neurological damage, such as cognitive and mental health issues, even in cases where no immediate physical signs are present. 
One survivor explained: "For years, I thought I was stupid. I couldn’t remember things, I couldn’t focus, and no one ever told me it might be because of what he did to me."

The Gendered Nature of Strangulation in IPV

Strangulation disproportionately affects women and non-binary individuals, reflecting deeply rooted power imbalances in intimate relationships. The act underscores the historical entitlement some men feel over women’s bodies and lives.

A Pattern of Violence
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Strangulation is more common in IPV situations where there is an existing pattern of coercive control.
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Many survivors report that strangulation incidents escalate over time, often marking a turning point in the severity of abuse.
Silencing Survivors
The threat of strangulation often silences survivors, both metaphorically and literally. Survivors may hesitate to report abuse, fearing escalation or disbelief from authorities and medical professionals.

When survivors do speak up, the onus is often placed on them to “prove” their abuse—an impossible task when injuries are invisible, and trauma impacts memory and communication.

Strangulation, Sexuality, and Cultural Narratives
Strangulation, often referred to as “choking” in sexual contexts, has gained prominence in mainstream pornography and popular culture. Its portrayal often romanticizes or trivializes the act, framing it as a standard part of modern sexual behaviour. This normalization creates dangerous dynamics where individuals may feel pressured to accept strangulation as a routine sexual act, even if they are uncomfortable or unaware of the risks.

The Eroticization of Violence against Women

The blending of strangulation with sexual pleasure can obscure its inherent dangers. The act carries significant physical risks, including unconsciousness, brain injury, and even death. Yet, these risks are rarely discussed openly, leaving many people unaware of the potential consequences.

Power Dynamics and Consent
Strangulation in sexual contexts can blur lines of consent, particularly when power imbalances exist in a relationship. Coercion, intimidation, or a lack of informed consent can transform what may seem consensual into a dangerous act of violence.
The Normalization of Strangulation in Sexual Encounters
Strangulation, often misrepresented as “choking,” has become increasingly common in sexual relationships, especially among younger demographics. According to Dr. Debbie Herbenick’s research: 
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Nearly 40% of women aged 18-24 reported being choked during sex.
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One in three women reported being choked during their most recent sexual encounter.
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The behaviour often occurs without explicit consent, dialogue, or an understanding of its risks. 
Consent vs. Coercion: 
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Consent must be enthusiastic, informed, and freely given. Many survivors report being pressured into acts of choking during sex without full understanding of the risks involved. 
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Survivors who are choked during sex without consent often face dismissiveness from authorities and medical professionals who assume it was part of a consensual act. 
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“Safe words” become meaningless if a person loses consciousness during strangulation. 
Cultural Catalysts: 
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Pornography: A significant driver, with millions of videos normalizing strangulation as a sexual act. 
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Mainstream Media: Shows like Euphoria and Idol depict choking during sex casually. 
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Social Media Memes: Normalize and trivialize strangulation, often presenting it humorously. 
The combined impact of these influences has blurred the line between consensual sexual exploration and dangerous behaviour. 

The Legal and Social Blind Spot

The “rough sex defense” has been used in multiple court cases to absolve perpetrators of responsibility, shifting blame onto the victim for allegedly consenting to a fatal act. 

It’s vital to recognize:
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Choking during sex can lead to fatal or life-altering injuries, even if the act appears consensual. Strangulation can cause severe and often invisible damage, including brain injuries, memory loss, stroke, or even delayed death days or weeks after the act. The lack of visible physical marks does not mean no harm was done. Survivors may experience confusion, dizziness, headaches, trouble concentrating, or emotional dysregulation as a result of brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation. 
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The line between consensual rough sex and abuse is not always clear. Power dynamics, coercion, and fear can cloud consent. If a partner ignores a safeword, continues after the other person says “stop,” or pressures someone into activities they’re uncomfortable with, this crosses into abusive behaviour. 
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Consent must be ongoing, enthusiastic, and freely given. Even if someone consents to choking during sex initially, they have the right to withdraw that consent at any time. Additionally, someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol may not be in a position to give proper consent, increasing the risks associated with choking. 
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There is a difference between fantasy and reality. Many portrayals of choking during sex in media or pornography fail to address the risks, portraying it as safe or glamorous. In reality, even brief strangulation can have severe medical consequences. 
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Survivors of strangulation may not recognize or disclose the severity of their injuries. Symptoms like memory problems, irritability, or trouble sleeping may be dismissed as stress or unrelated health issues. Medical attention is essential after any act of strangulation, whether consensual or not. 
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While Canada hasn’t explicitly banned the “rough sex defense,” legal precedents like R v. J.A. and legislative updates through Bill C-75 and Bill C-3 create a legal framework that reduces the likelihood of this defense succeeding. Strangulation is now recognized as a distinct and severe crime, and judicial and prosecutorial guidelines are increasingly focused on survivor protection and accountability for perpetrators. See the end of this article for more information on the “rough sex” defense and legal cases from Canada and other parts of the world. 
Recent Statistics Demonstrate how Strangulation is Increasing

Understanding the prevalence of strangulation in IPV is crucial for addressing it effectively. Recent studies highlight the alarming frequency and devastating consequences:

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68% of IPV survivors report experiencing strangulation at least once in their relationship.
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Survivors of strangulation are 750% more likely to be killed in subsequent violence.
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In Canada, 30-68% of domestic violence victims report strangulation as part of their abuse. 
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According to the Canadian Femicide Observatory, strangulation was identified as a leading cause of death in femicide cases involving intimate partners. 

Despite these staggering numbers, strangulation often goes unrecognized by healthcare systems, law enforcement, and even survivors themselves. The lack of visible injuries and general societal ignorance about the effects of non-fatal strangulation contribute to this crisis. 

Practical Tools and Resources for Survivors

Survivors of strangulation face unique barriers to care, healing, and justice. Fortunately, there are emerging resources that provide crucial support: 

Educational Tools for Survivors:
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www.BWSS.org and Ending Violence blog: A comprehensive platform offering shelter directories, articles, webinars, and survivor toolkits. 
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BWSS (Battered Women’s Support Services): Offers crisis support, trauma counseling, and advocacy for survivors. 
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Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice and Accountability (CFOJA): Research and advocacy organization focusing on gender-based violence and femicide. 
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Women’s Shelters Canada: A nationwide organization providing support and advocacy for survivors across shelter networks. 
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Ending Violence Association of Canada (EVA Canada): Offers training, policy advocacy, and resources focused on ending gender-based violence. 
Healthcare Tools: 
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Symptom tracking worksheets to identify potential brain injury symptoms:
https://www.abitoolkit.ca/supporting-survivors/screening-for-brain-injury/
https://msktc.org/tbi/factsheets/cognitive-problems-after-traumatic-brain-injury

Final Thoughts: Naming the Violence, Breaking the Silence

Strangulation in IPV is not merely a “red flag”—it’s a flashing warning sign of imminent danger. Addressing this issue requires multi-level engagement:

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Healthcare Providers: Must be trained to recognize symptoms of strangulation and conduct thorough evaluations, including advanced imaging when necessary. 
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Law Enforcement: Should treat non-fatal strangulation with the seriousness it warrants, recognizing it as an indicator of escalating violence. 
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Advocates and Support Workers: Must integrate tools and education around brain injury and strangulation into their services. 
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Advocates and Support Workers: Must integrate tools and education around brain injury and strangulation into their services. 
Strangulation in intimate partner violence is a silencing tactic, a form of coercive control, and a profound violation of bodily autonomy. It is an act that demands attention—not just from survivors and advocates, but from every sector of society. 

Survivors often carry these invisible wounds in silence, misdiagnosed or dismissed by those who should support them. But with growing awareness, increased resources, and systems that prioritize survivor safety, healing is possible. It’s necessary to unpack how cultural narratives have shaped perceptions of strangulation, challenge harmful portrayals in media, and create space for honest conversations about consent, safety, and risk. 

If you or someone you know has experienced strangulation in an abusive relationship, remember:
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It is not your fault. 
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You deserve support and care. 
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Help is available. 
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BWSS – Crisis Line: 1-855-687-1868 
Let us name this violence, advocate for change, and commit to building systems that support survivors—not just in surviving, but in thriving. 

Sources and Legal Cases

Notable legal cases and media reports where the “rough sex defense” was used to absolve perpetrators of responsibility: 
1. Grace Millane Case (New Zealand, 2018)
Details: British backpacker Grace Millane was murdered by a man she met on a dating app while traveling in New Zealand. The perpetrator claimed that her death resulted from consensual rough sex. 

Outcome: The jury rejected the defense, and the perpetrator was convicted of murder. 

Source: BBC News – Grace Millane Case 

2. Sam Pybus Case (UK, 2021)
Details: Sam Pybus claimed that his partner’s death occurred accidentally during consensual strangulation. 

Outcome: He was sentenced to just under five years in prison, a decision criticized for its leniency. 

Source: The Guardian – Sam Pybus Sentencing 

3. Natalie Connolly Case (UK, 2016)
Details: Natalie Connolly died after sustaining more than 40 injuries, including a fatal head wound. Her partner, John Broadhurst, claimed the injuries were a result of consensual rough sex. 

Outcome: He was convicted of manslaughter, not murder, and sentenced to three years and eight months in prison. 

Source: BBC News – Natalie Connolly Case 

4. Lara Prychodko Case (USA, 2018)
Details: Lara Prychodko was found dead at the bottom of a trash chute in her Manhattan apartment building. Her husband attempted to use a narrative suggesting consensual rough sex gone wrong to explain her death. 

Outcome: The case remains unresolved, and suspicions of foul play persist. 

Source: New York Post – Lara Prychodko Case 

5. Sophie Moss Case (UK, 2021)
Details: Sophie Moss died during an act of strangulation described as consensual rough sex by the perpetrator, Sam Pybus. 

Outcome: The perpetrator’s sentence sparked public outrage due to its perceived leniency. 

Source: BBC News – Sophie Moss Case 

6. Alexandra Harlequin Case (UK, 2019)
Details: A man claimed that injuries leading to Alexandra Harlequin’s death were accidental and occurred during rough sex. 

Outcome: The jury rejected the rough sex defense, and he was convicted of murder. 

Source: The Independent – Alexandra Harlequin Case 

7. Legislative Changes in Response:
In 2021, the UK government banned the “rough sex defense” under the Domestic Abuse Act, making it illegal for defendants to claim consensual rough sex as a defense for serious injury or death. 

Source: UK Parliament – Domestic Abuse Act 2021 

Notable legal cases from Canada
1. Bill C-75 (2019)
Overview: This legislation made strangulation, choking, and suffocation a standalone criminal offense under the Criminal Code of Canada (Section 267(c)). 

Key Changes: Strangulation is now considered an indictable offense, carrying a maximum sentence of up to 10 years in prison. 

Significance: Recognizes the lethality of strangulation in IPV cases and makes it easier to prosecute as a separate charge. 

Source: Government of Canada – Bill C-75 

2. R v. J.A. (2011) - Supreme Court Decision
Overview: In this landmark decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that consent cannot be given in advance for acts that result in unconsciousness. 

Key Takeaway: The court emphasized that unconscious individuals cannot consent to sexual activity, including acts involving strangulation or choking. 

Significance: This decision limits the scope of the “rough sex defense” in Canadian courts. 

Source: Supreme Court of Canada – R v. J.A. 

3. Bill C-3 (2021)
Overview: Requires judges to undergo mandatory training on sexual assault law, including issues related to consent and IPV. 

Key Takeaway: Ensures judges are well-informed on the nuances of consent, strangulation, and the myths surrounding IPV cases. 

Significance: Reduces reliance on misconceptions or outdated beliefs in IPV cases. 

Source: Government of Canada – Bill C-3 

4. Canadian Guidelines for Police and Prosecutors on IPV and Strangulation (2021)
Overview: Developed guidelines to improve investigations and prosecutions in cases involving strangulation and IPV. 

Key Focus: Training officers to recognize strangulation injuries, improve evidence collection, and ensure survivors are supported during legal processes. 

Significance: Aims to reduce reliance on subjective claims of “consent” in cases of IPV-related strangulation. 

Source: Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime 

Statistics

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“Survivors of strangulation are 750% more likely to be killed by their abuser in subsequent attacks” –This statistic comes from a study published in the Journal of Emergency Medicine titled “Strangulation and Intimate Partner Violence: A Deadly Combination” (2017) by Dr. Nancy Glass and Dr. Gael Strack. The study found that survivors of non-fatal strangulation are up to 7.5 times more likely to become victims of femicide by the same perpetrator. 
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“68% of IPV survivors report experiencing strangulation at least once in their relationship.” Source: Glass, N., et al. (2008). Non-fatal strangulation is an important risk factor for homicide of women. Journal of Emergency Medicine. 
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“Survivors of strangulation are 750% more likely to be killed in subsequent violence.” Source: Glass, N., et al. (2008). Non-fatal strangulation is an important risk factor for homicide of women. Journal of Emergency Medicine. 
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“In Canada, 30-68% of domestic violence victims report strangulation as part of their abuse.” Source Canadian Domestic Homicide Prevention Initiative (CDHPI). Understanding Strangulation in Domestic Violence Cases. 
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“According to the Canadian Femicide Observatory, strangulation was identified as a leading cause of death in femicide cases involving intimate partners.” Source: Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice and Accountability (CFOJA). Annual Report on Femicide in Canada. 
As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867 Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org

Defining Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Mar 5, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

No relationship is perfect, but healthy intimate partner relationships make both people feel respected, supported, and safe. Healthy relationships are characterized by mutual respect, trust, equality and honesty. 

Here are some of the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Respect

Each person values who the other person is, understands the other person’s boundaries, and values their beliefs and opinions.

Disrespect

Your partner makes fun of your opinions and interests, or purposely destroys something that is important to you.

Trust

Partners trust in each other and are comfortable doing things separately and respecting each other’s privacy online.

Jealousy

Everyone can experience jealousy, though it becomes unhealthy when someone tries to control you because of it.

Honesty

Being truthful and open with your partner and being able to talk together about what you both want without fearing the response or if you’ll be judged.

Betrayal

When your partner is deceitful, hides important things from you or threatens to make your private matters public to control you.

Individuality

Neither partner compromises who they are, and each has their own identity, with space and freedom in the relationship.

Control

When your partner makes all the decisions and tells you what to do, what to wear, and who to spend time with. They may also be ‘in charge’ of all the finances and insist that you account for all the money you have spent, or force you to hand over any money you have to them. He or she may also try to isolate you from your friends and family.

Equality

You and your partner put equal effort into the relationship and make decisions together as opposed to one person calling all the shots.

Manipulation

One partner influences the other without them realizing it. This can include ignoring you until they get their own way, making you feel guilty or responsible for their actions, making you feel like everything is your fault and threatening to hurt themselves or others if you don’t do as they say or stay with them. They may also use gifts and apologies to influence your decisions or to ‘apologize’ for their behaviour.

Responsibility

You and your partner are both responsible for your own actions and words. You both avoid putting blame on each other and own up when you do something wrong. You both avoid taking things out on each other when you’re upset and both try to make positive changes to better your relationship.

Deflecting Responsibility

Your partner makes excuses for their behavior, blaming you, other people or past experiences for their actions. They may use alcohol or drugs as an excuse, or use any mental health issues or past experiences (like a cheating ex or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior.

Inclusion

Both partners encourage each other to socialize and keep in touch with friends and family.

Isolation

Keeping you away from friends, family, or other people by insisting you choose your partner over them. Spending all your time with your partner and making you feel dependent on them for money, love or acceptance.

Healthy Sexual Relationship

A sexual relationship that both are comfortable with, and neither partner feels pressured or forced to engage in sexual activity that is outside his or her comfort zone or without consent.

Sexual Violence

One partner pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against his or her will or without consent.

Non-Violent Relationship

No physical violence used by either partner and feeling a sense of care and concern from your partner, knowing that they will be there to support you.

Physical Violence

When one partner intentionally uses physical force against the other, as a means of controlling the other partner. This includes shaking, slapping, pushing, biting, punching. scratching, trying to choke or strangle, hitting with household objects, using weapons and physical restraint (e.g. pinning you against a wall).

As an organization dedicated to ending violence in all its forms, BWSS stands in solidarity with victims and survivors. For resources on safety, accessing support, and taking action against gender-based violence, visit our website.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in need of support, please contact the Battered Women’s Support Services Crisis Line:

Call toll-free: 1-855-687-1868
Metro Vancouver: 604-687-1867
Email: EndingViolence@bwss.org